Sam & Elliot Archuleta of Something More Human On How To Navigate Our Complicated Modern World To Find Love
The one thing we find ourselves saying over and over is: Love is not found, it’s made. If one person is all in and the other is half in-half out, it’s not the right fit. It’s that simple. The key to our long term success and what moved us through our first few tough years of marriage was a mutual commitment to finding the path to success, together.
In today’s fast-paced and interconnected world, finding and maintaining meaningful romantic relationships can be a daunting task. From navigating dating apps to managing expectations in a digital age, there are numerous challenges individuals face in their quest for love. Through this series, we would like to explore the complexities of modern dating and relationships, offering insights, advice, and strategies for navigating the often confusing landscape of love in the 21st century. In this series, we are talking to experts in psychology, relationship coaching, sociology, matchmaking, and individuals with personal experiences navigating the modern dating scene, to share their knowledge, perspectives, and stories. As part of this series, we had the pleasure of interviewing Samantha and Elliot Archuleta.
Sam and Elliot dive head first into all things human connection with Something More Human. Driven by countless conversations with individuals from all walks of life, the desire for authentic, in person connection is evident. Delving into the intricacies of human relationships, from the nuances of romantic partnerships to navigating the challenges of making friends as adults and even cultivating a supportive community as an entrepreneur, Something More Human not only inspires an escape from superficiality and a return to real, deep connection but shares tangible tips and strategies for listeners to implement in their own lives. The Something More Human movement is reviving the lost art of connection by blending intimate podcasts dialogues with the joy and need of real-life community gatherings. Sam and Elliot invite you to join them, and together, create something more human.
Thank you so much for your time! I know that you are a very busy person. Our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you tell us your “Origin Story”? Can you tell us the story of how you grew up?
We met in 2017 and our love story unfolded in a quick whirlwind: engaged in five months and married in 2018, we truly embody the age old paradigm “opposites attract.” Originally from Albuquerque, NM we have always had a desire to find ways to collaborate. In its first iteration, we combined our creative talents of photography/film (Elliot) and dance (Sam) and created several short dance films. In the winter of 2019, we eagerly applied for an international artist residency. Of course, spring 2020 quickly curbed our enthusiasm and it was back to the drawing board. Being so opposite, it wasn’t obvious or easy what our next chapter would be. In 2023 we moved to Denver, CO and for the first time, had no one outside of each other. In the empty space grew the collaboration we’ve always sought: Something More Human.
Can you tell us a bit about what you do professionally, and what brought you to this specific career path?
Elliot: I hold a Bachelor of Art in Photography and that has been my primary career for the last several years. From event and wedding photography to lifestyle shoots with my favorite people, I’ve always loved capturing the ephemerality of life so that the memories can live on in a tangible way.
Sam: My background is a testament to the funny mixture of a person I am. I hold a Bachelor of Art in Dance and a Bachelor of Science in Chemistry. I originally started my career in the biotech space and quickly learned that I need a career where I can spend time with people over pipettes. With that discovery, I launched a functional fitness company combining my knowledge of Pilates, personal training, and dance. I’ve always been passionate about arming people with the knowledge to feel their best. It’s been such a blast watching that mission take me into business with my husband in creating Something More Human and arming our community with the stories and strategies to build meaningful connections in their own lives.
You are a successful leader. Which three character traits do you think were most instrumental to your success? Can you please share a story or example for each?
1. Don’t be afraid to fail. A mentor of mine once told me that “successful people fail fast” and that shifted the way I take action. Messy action will teach you more than working on perfection in a silo. While that reality can be scary, it’s an integral part of the human experience and it’s important to remember that we all fail. Failure is not the end of the road, it’s a new signpost for the direction you want to go.
2. Build your community with people who believe in you. These people can be your spouse, best friends, or colleagues. In the moments that I fall short or fail and need a boost to keep going, my community lifts me up, shows me a new perspective, and gives me the kick in the pants that I need to build resilience and try again.
3. Investing in improving yourself will positively impact every area of your life. When it comes to business, friendship, and love there is a strong common theme: the better version of yourself you bring to the table, the better outcomes you’ll receive.
Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you think that will help people?
After countless conversations with friends, family, and strangers it has become clear to us: people are looking for meaningful connections and a community to feel like they belong. We created Something More Human to cultivate just that. Something More Human started as a podcast but it’s really a movement with a mission to inspire people to tune out the distractions of day-to-day life, tune in to real life connection, and truly create something more human. We discuss personal stories that help our community feel seen and follow them up with tangible tips and strategies for cultivating the types of relationships that bring us real satisfaction. We also host in-person events to physically curate the space and opportunity to leave your phone at home, come together, and build the community you’ve always wanted.
For the benefit of our readers, can you briefly tell our readers why you are an authority on the topic of dating and finding love?
Something More Human ranks in the top 3% of podcasts globally. With back-to-back features on Apple Podcasts, we rank in the top charts for Relationships and Society & Culture in both the USA and Canada. We are fully immersed in the intricacies of relationships. From romance to making friends as adults to cultivating community as entrepreneurs, we explore every inch of what it means to build true human connection. In addition to being top ranked podcasters on the topic of human connection, we’re heading into year six of marriage! We’ve shared candidly how challenging those first few years were and are proud to say that we could have never imagined how rich our relationship is now. We’re a millenial/gen Z couple that keep it real when it comes to navigating the challenges of love.
Ok. Thank you for that. Let’s now shift to the main part of our discussion about ‘How To Navigate Our Complicated Modern World To Find Love’. Based on your experience, what is a common root cause of the “inability to find love”?
The common root cause to the “inability to find love” is the illusion of too much choice. Our culture has been fabricated to send the message that there are always better and more attractive options (people) at your fingertips, and if things don’t work right away, you can simply dispose of that person and start again. This removes the most fundamental piece of the human experience: humanity.
What are some common misconceptions or myths about finding love in the modern world, and how can they be debunked?
Perhaps it’s not a common misconception and rather something that people just have a difficult time admitting: soulmates are not found, they are made. I have a friend who’s been desperately trying to find the one to marry and have children with, but one day he said, “I started seeing this girl, we’re having fun. As soon as I’m not having fun though, I’m out.” I told him if that’s how he viewed relationships he was never going to find his soulmate. There’s a false narrative that love should have a perpetual effortlessness to it. While there is a balance to the ease and the tension within a partnership, both sides are equally necessary. For the same reason a sunny day is better after a week-long storm: loving through difficulty together builds your bond. Lifelong love is a lifelong commitment, and like any lifelong commitment, it requires loads of intentional work to be successful.
What advice do you have for individuals who feel overwhelmed or disillusioned by the challenges of modern dating, and how can they maintain hope and optimism in their search for love?
Understand that the culture that has been crafted has not been crafted with your values in mind. There is no handbook to finding love and while that can feel discouraging, it’s incredibly liberating to know that there are no rules. Once you understand that you have the power to create your own culture and play by your own rules, life’s possibilities open up. How can we turn that into practical strategies for combating the challenges of modern dating? We can decide that we are going to try something different. We can decide to understand there are a million ways to go about any one thing, and to find the ways that you have not yet tried, and start there. What got you here will not get you there.
It can be easy to find ourselves seeking the secret recipe or searching for the carefully crafted key to unlocking the very thing we desire. Those efforts are often futile because we’re in search of something that doesn’t exist. What if there were no rules? What if there was no “wrong” way? Our comfort zones have become increasingly smaller over the last several years. I encourage exploration of the edges of your comfort zone. Striking up conversation with the barista at your local cafe, complimenting a stranger at the park, or stepping into a ceramics class and making friends with the person seated next to you. I encourage the sentiment of creating options and avenues for yourself.
Let’s explore how the rise of social media and dating apps has impacted the way individuals approach and experience dating and relationships. Can you share a few dos and don’ts about how to use social media to find love?
We don’t want to be the harbingers of what’s right and wrong when it comes to navigating complex intimate relationships, but in our experience, we didn’t find each other on social media. We found each other through the friends and connections we shared, and we made a commitment to one another from the very beginning to pursue one another exclusively and here we are heading into year six of marriage. My advice to you if you are not having any luck on dating apps–delete them all. Chances are you are afraid of being alone. And that’s totally okay and normal. Humans aren’t meant to be alone. But there is a season for everything, so make your current season one all about discovering who you are on your own. It will be difficult. But you know what’s also difficult? Unsuccessful hookup after hookup after hookup. The more you can invest in yourself and the process of becoming the very person your future relationships require, the sooner you will attract someone seeking that same thing. Step out of your comfort zone and let life surprise you.
Can you share a few dos and don’ts about how to use dating apps to find love?
Since we both never used them, we can only give our distanced opinion. And it’s simple. Don’t use them. Are we saying they’re evil or that people have never found love on the apps? No way. We know so many people that have found true love on apps! Chances are you’re reading this for a specific reason, and if that reason is that you’re still looking for love, but only using dating apps to do so, get rid of them! Try something new. Find new ways to open doors that might allow the love of your life to walk in: strike up conversation with strangers, join a group or club, invite friends of friends to join your next gathering.
Can you share a few dos and don’ts about looking for romance in real-life physical spaces like congregations, bars, markets, and conventions?
The power in your life comes from your network and community. The complex webs of relationships we form lead us into experiences, opportunities, and to people we would have never expected. For a moment, let’s speak to those that can’t identify, those that may not have many friends, or a community they can call their own. Find the one person closest to you and leverage that relationship. Take initiative and invite them out in public. Take someone with you to an event or a class that you both are interested in: knitting, pottery, painting, tennis, a book club. Find your way into one person’s life and leverage that relationship to create opportunities for the both of you to meet new people. Start there and don’t stop and eventually you will meet new people in organic ways. It may take time, but patience is a virtue.
What are your thoughts about the challenges and opportunities that come with workplace romances?
Five simple words: Don’t shit where you eat. That’s just our opinion!
Can you discuss the role of vulnerability and authenticity in forming meaningful connections and finding lasting love?
Vulnerability and authenticity are everything. They are the essence of life. Without vulnerability and authenticity we really are lifeless cyborgs–more brain power is spent on our phones than cultivating our brains and souls to be conditioned and ripe to make real human connection. When we live out of alignment, distanced from our authentic selves, we often attract and cultivate relationships that aren’t the right fit. The more wholly and intentionally we can lean into leading with authenticity, the easier it will be to find like-minded people and build relationships that truly nourish the soul. Vulnerability comes more naturally to some than others and that is perfectly okay. We are huge proponents of therapy. The best way to become more vulnerable? Practice.
Based on your experience or research, what are the “Five Things You Need To Navigate Our Complicated Modern World To Find Love”? If you can, please share a story or an example for each.
1 . The one thing we find ourselves saying over and over is: Love is not found, it’s made. If one person is all in and the other is half in-half out, it’s not the right fit. It’s that simple. The key to our long term success and what moved us through our first few tough years of marriage was a mutual commitment to finding the path to success, together.
2 . They must truly feel like your best friend. The person you share your life with must not just be the person you have great sex with or enjoy a nice night out together with. It must be someone you can do all facets of life with. In our opinion, that dynamic should be clearly visible right away. It’s a team mindset, it’s us versus the world, not ourselves.
3 . Honesty and vulnerability. In order to share a rich and full life with someone else, you must be willing to reveal all of yourself to this person. Of course that doesn’t mean spilling all of your traumatic experiences on the first date, but in order for that person to receive the love they deserve from you and vice versa, they must know all of you!
4 . A willingness to consistently admit you’re wrong and an openness to learn from it. The ego won’t like this! If you always want to be right, then you are competing with whoever you think is wrong. Competing with the supposed love of your life is not the strong foundation of a healthy romantic partnership.
5 . Commitment to self-improvement in all seasons of life. You can only give others your best when you give yourself your best. That is not to say that you won’t have ebbs and flows. Sometimes you are only capable of giving 20%. That needs to be communicated first of all, and second of all, it’s totally normal and okay, but it can’t be that way forever. Always commit to improving yourself and you will be able to serve yourself and your partner in a way that is fulfilling for the both of you.
Do you have any favorite books, podcasts, or resources related to this topic that you would recommend to our readers?
We love our friend, Christina Abood’s podcast, Becoming The One. It’s all about this topic of love in the modern age!
You are a person of great influence. If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
Something More Human is more than a podcast, it’s a movement. We want to show people, through the power of language and intentional human interaction with community at the center of its focus, that we can create our own rules, our own community, and our own culture that truly represents who we are and what we desire.
How can our readers further follow your work online?
Our podcast! We like to call it a multi-faceted movement instead, because it’s not just an hour recording every other week. We deliver in-person events all over the country and curate structured content that follows a narrative which puts our community in the driver’s seat.
You can learn about us and the show at somethingmorehuman.co and keep up with us on Instagram @somethingmorehuman.
Thank you so much for sharing these important insights. We wish you continued success and good health!
Sam & Elliot Archuleta of Something More Human On How To Navigate Our Complicated Modern World To… was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.