Safe Spaces- It is helpful to think about environments that you can easily come to when you need to recharge such as being in nature, being in your car, a particular room in your home, etc. This is critical when you are feeling overwhelmed or stressed.
As a part of our series about How To Survive And Thrive As A Highly Sensitive Person, I had the pleasure of interviewing Susan Abdel-Haq.
Susan Abdel-Haq is a Palestinian licensed psychotherapist practicing in California who is trauma informed and also a Highly Sensitive Person. Susan is trained in both EMDR and Brainspotting and enjoys integrating other modalities in her clinical work. She is passionate about holding space for people to work through the hard stuff and tap into their strengths. Susan specializes in working with folks who are struggling with relational trauma, Narcissistic abuse recovery, toxic family of origin work, people-pleasing, substance-use disorders, anxiety, and exploring aspects of their cultural identity to work towards healing. If you would like to learn more, please visit her website: https://susanabdelhaq.com/
Thank you so much for doing this with us! Can you tell our readers a little bit about yourself and what you do professionally?
Yes certainly! I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and I own my own practice providing psychotherapy services. I identify as a Highly Sensitive Person and I specialize in anxiety, trauma, narcissistic abuse recovery, substance use, and other presenting issues. I typically work with adults and I also do some couples work. I have an extensive background working in substance abuse treatment including residential and outpatient services. I also get referrals from Arab Americans because they are often looking for a therapist with a similar cultural background/experience.
Thank you for your bravery and strength in being so open with us. I understand how hard this is. Can you help define for our readers what is meant by a Highly Sensitive Person? Does it simply mean that feelings are easily hurt or offended?
A “Highly Sensitive Person” is someone who I would say feels deeply and is more affected by internal and external triggers. They are more easily swayed and have a heightened sensitivity to things such as loud noises, scents, touches, etc. It can take them a little longer to reset and doesn’t necessarily mean that they are more easily hurt or offended all the time.
Does a Highly Sensitive Person have a higher degree of empathy towards others? Is a Highly Sensitive Person offended by hurtful remarks made about other people?
I would say yes for the most part due to their higher than average level of attunement to others and their own feelings. They are also more able to pick up on social cues and can be more likely to be hurt/offended by others due to their abilities to feel pain/distress more deeply.
Does a Highly Sensitive Person have greater difficulty with certain parts of popular culture, entertainment or news, that depict emotional or physical pain? Can you explain or give a story?
Yes I would say so overall because of them being more easily affected by distressing content. People who identify as HSP typically have to set more mental boundaries around certain content and take breaks in between. I would say a good example of this is horror movies or gore. I like to call this “sensory” overload because their typically is a lot going on and can be too much for someone who is HSP.
Can you please share a story about how your highly sensitive nature created problems at work or socially?
I would say the most problem for me was socially. Sometimes when I am in a big group of people, I find myself needing to check out and step away for a moment because it can be sensory overload. People sometimes find that strange or even rude because they think I am just not interested in what they have to say. But I am really just needing to regroup.
When did you suspect that your level of sensitivity was above the societal norm? How did you come to see yourself as “too sensitive”?
I think I have always been aware of my sensitivity. Growing up, I was always described as “in her own world” and a deep thinker. I often found myself day dreaming quite frequently and I also was very sensitive to certain foods due to their textures and scents. I have also been called sensitive growing up and I would find myself reacting to things more intensely than my peers.
I’m sure that being Highly Sensitive also gives you certain advantages. Can you tell us a few advantages that Highly Sensitive people have?
I would say some of the main advantages to being Highly Sensitive are creativity, empathy, strong intuition, high EQ, and also a strong appreciation for art and nature.
Can you share a story from your own life where your great sensitivity was actually an advantage?
I would say that the biggest advantage that my sensitivity has is in my work as a therapist. I will often sense my client’s emotional experiences and I will reflect it back to them only for them to say something along the lines of “That is exactly how I am feeling” or “That is exactly what is going through my mind”. My clients then feel like I have a deep understanding for their struggles and feel seen by me as a Therapist. My sensitivity also allows me to get creative in how I formulate treatment with my clients.
There seems to be no harm in being overly empathetic. What’s the line drawn between being empathetic and being Highly Sensitive?
I would say that being empathetic is one trait within being a Highly Sensitive Person whereas being a Highly Sensitive Person encompasses a broader range of traits/qualities. So while someone can have a lot of empathy, it doesn’t determine that they are a Highly Sensitive Person.
Social Media can often be casually callous. How does Social Media affect a Highly Sensitive Person? How can a Highly Sensitive Person utilize the benefits of social media without being pulled down by it?
I would say that social media has its pros and cons for someone who is Highly Sensitive in the same way for anyone else. On one hand, social media can be a great way to form connections/ community along with finding creative ways to express yourself which are all great things for someone who is HSP. But it can also be sensory overload with all the different content that is on there and people who are HSP can be more easily influenced by this.
How would you respond if something you hear or see bothers or effects you, but others comment that you are being petty or that it is minor?
I usually choose to not engage or respond to someone who is already making a judgement on how I feel. All I can do is share my experience in hopes that others can see that they aren’t alone.
What strategies do you use to overcome the perception that others may have of you as overly sensitive without changing your caring and empathetic nature?
If I feel like someone is relatively safe and open minded, I will share with them what I internally experience so they get a better sense of what my sensitivity is like. But for the most part, I have accepted my sensitivity as a trait of mine and I don’t invest a lot of energy trying to “prove” that I am not or that being overly sensitive is a thing I need to change. I believe that by doing this, you are creating space for yourself to have more empathy and that translates on to other people.
What are the “myths” that you would like to dispel about being a Highly Sensitive Person? Can you explain what you mean?
I think the biggest one is when people associate being highly sensitive to being more fragile or weak. Our society often depicts showing and expressing your emotions as a sign of weakness and emotional instability and that isn’t always the case. Just because a lot of people are uncomfortable with how human emotions get expressed, it doesn’t make it wrong. If anything, I find that people who are HSP possess a lot of strengths because they are navigating a world that isn’t always as accommodating and accepting of their needs.
As you know, one of the challenges of being a Highly Sensitive Person is the harmful, and dismissive sentiment of “why can’t you just stop being so sensitive?” What do you think needs to be done to make it apparent that it just doesn’t work that way?
I think when people make statements like that, they have to ask themselves what they are trying to accomplish by saying that and also have some gentle curiosity about why this person is reacting the way that they are. Fostering deeper understanding and empathy between people goes a long way and is often what is missing. Statements like this come from a place of judgement and that just adds to people’s sense of shame around emotions which just isn’t helpful.
Can you share with us your “5 Things You Need To Know To Survive And Thrive As A Highly Sensitive Person?
Self Care- It is important to take extra care of yourself as an HSP because we live in a fast paced world with a lot going on. Making sure to have regular meals, drink lots of water, and do the things that make you feel balanced are key.
Boundary setting- It is important to recognize what your boundaries are around people, places, and things and to say “no” when needed.
Get Support- It is important to be around people that are understanding and sensitive to your unique qualities/needs
Embrace Your Strengths- It is good to reflect on all the gifts that come with being an HSP such as creativity, empathy, good people skills, etc.
Safe Spaces- It is helpful to think about environments that you can easily come to when you need to recharge such as being in nature, being in your car, a particular room in your home, etc. This is critical when you are feeling overwhelmed or stressed.
You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good for the greatest number of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger.
I would say a movement towards greater understanding and empathy. I have thought about what it would be like to create a virtual reality centered around people’s internal emotional experiences and what it would be like to step into someone’s shoes.
How can our readers follow you online?
I have my instagram @susanabdelhaqlmft and also my website:
Thank you for these fantastic insights. We greatly appreciate the time you spent on this.
Therapist Susan Abdel-Haq On How To Survive And Thrive As A Highly Sensitive Person was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.