Amelia Knott of Art Therapy in Real Life: 5 Things We Can Each Do To Make Social Media And The Internet A Kinder And More Tolerant Place
I think it’s useful for social media users to reflect on their personal guidelines for engagement. I’ve included five journalling prompts to help you design your own roadmap for communicating on social media in a way that is considerate of others while also honoring your own boundaries and needs. Write your answers to these questions in a moment when you aren’t frustrated and reactive. You could even keep your responses in your Notes app to refer to when you’re tempted to engage in tense conversations online.
As a part of our interview series about the things we can each do to make social media and the internet a kinder and more tolerant place, I had the pleasure to interview Amelia Knott.
Amelia Knott is an art psychotherapist who specializes in the mental health impacts of social media and hustle culture. In her facilitation, she has partnered with universities, tech companies, and health providers to create programming on the topic of ethics and wellbeing in the digital age. Knott’s new book, The Art of Thriving Online, offers creative strategies for cultivating a conscious and healthy relationship with social media. In her work, I aim to investigate the paradox of our online lives; our time on social media is both meaningful and harmful. Given this tension, how might we craft a future that makes space for the complexity and rapidly evolving role technology plays in our lives?
Thank you so much for doing this with us! Our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you share your “backstory” with us?
I became an art therapist because creativity is the tool that made post-traumatic growth possible in my life. After experiencing grief and trauma at an early age, painting became the place I made sense of what I couldn’t untangle with words alone. Visual art helps us bypass what we can understand with the cognitive and analytical parts of our minds. Through the tactile experience of making something and exploring the metaphors that emerge, it’s possible to find new insights into our experience. After focusing on community arts at The Maryland Institute College of Art, I went on to train as an art psychotherapist. Today I run an online private practice where I support clients in using creativity to care for their mental health.
Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you started your career?
My career began in the early pandemic during strict social distancing measures. I was so used to working with clients in person in a studio where I could share space and art materials. I was nervous that my work wouldn’t translate to online sessions. Reimagining art therapy for the digital age has been a profound paradigm shift. I’ve found that it’s possible to connect deeply with clients online and craft creative solutions to address the distance. For me, it was also uncharted territory to show up on social media as a mental health professional. The initial challenges of working online have led to a focus on digital ethics and the ways we are all impacted by technology. “What could it mean to be well when we choose to be online?” is a question that shapes my work now.
It has been said that our mistakes can be our greatest teachers. Can you share a story about the funniest mistake you made when you were first starting? Can you tell us what lesson you learned from that?
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Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you think that will help people?
I’ve just written a book about how we can use creativity to care for our mental health online. Instead of prescribing a one-size-fits-all solution, the book offers art and writing prompts to help readers discover their own personal definitions of wellbeing. It explores themes like attention, productivity, privacy, fear, disinformation, and belonging. I think The Art of Thriving Online will help people feel empowered to create (even if they don’t consider themselves artists) and learn new expressive techniques to navigate the digital age.
Ok, thank you for that. Let’s now jump to the main focus of our interview. Have you ever been publicly shamed or embarrassed on social media? Can you share with our readers what that experience felt like?
Comment sections can be brutal! One example that comes to mind was a comment left on a recent video of mine. A follower was frustrated that I hadn’t replied to previous comments asking where I buy my glasses. I don’t think the intention was to shame me, but it felt like the comment was insinuating that I was aloof, uncaring, and unapproachable. I felt like I’d been mischaracterized. I also felt frustrated that someone felt entitled to my time and responsiveness and decided to be snarky.
What did you do to shake off that negative feeling?
I collected myself and replied with a video unpacking why I often don’t share the details of what I wear. Platforms that monetize parasocial relationships foster unrealistic expectations on creators to grant audiences unfettered access to their personal lives. More importantly, I wanted to name the intention of my digital presence; to steward conversations about mental health. I worry that the integrity and message of my content would be diluted if I appeared to me backing a glasses company whose ethics I hadn’t researched. It was empowering to use that negative comment to have a deeper conversation about how we can all resist the pressure to commodify our lives online. I hope that the video gave others a sense of permission to create their own digital boundaries.
Have you ever posted a comment on social media that you regretted because you felt it was too harsh or mean?
This example isn’t about a mean or harsh comment, but it certainly reminds me of how easy it is to be thoughtless with our words online. I once left a comment on a friend’s picture complimenting her haircut. Hours later, my roommate mentioned that the comment was insensitive. I’d missed the caption on the picture — it was a memorial to someone who had recently passed away. I felt terrible about leaving a comment on her appearance when she was expressing grief.
Can you describe the evolution of your decisions? Why did you initially write the comment, and why did you eventually regret it?
I think the problem was that there WASN’T an evolution in my decisions! When life moves at the speed of the algorithm, it’s hard to take in all the context and social cues needed to respond with care and nuance. I was mindlessly scrolling and left a comment that felt completely innocuous. It’s the norm on social media to respond impulsively. Even though it was an honest mistake, it had a real impact on someone I care about. That was a lesson for me about pausing before posting to see if I have all the information and if my contribution is truly helpful.
When one reads the comments on Youtube or Instagram, or the trending topics on Twitter, a great percentage of them are critical, harsh, and hurtful. The people writing the comments may feel like they are simply tapping buttons on a keyboard, but to the one on the receiving end of the comment, it is very different. This may be intuitive, but I feel that it will be instructive to spell it out. Can you help illustrate to our readers what the recipient of a public online critique might be feeling?
The Disinhibition Effect refers to how we often feel emboldened to treat others differently behind the anonymity and distance of a screen. It’s like the difference between how we might respond to someone who bumps into us at the grocery store vs. a car cutting us off on the freeway. Inside my car I might shout things I would never say to a person’s face. Online, it’s easy to forget that the person receiving negative comments is a WHOLE person. We can’t see the expression on their face when we critique them. We don’t have to experience the discomfort of what it made them feel. We don’t have the context of who they are outside the personae they present online.
Do you think a verbal online attack feels worse or less than a verbal argument in “real life”? How are the two different?
It’s easy to type one flippant comment and move on, but it’s devastating to receive thousands of hurtful messages. I think we are only just beginning to understand the impact of being exposed that that volume of scrutiny. Both types of attack can be traumatizing, but online creators make themselves vulnerable to endless critique. Our brains are not wired to process that volume of criticism.
What long term effects can happen to someone who was shamed online?
When a person is shamed online, they can start to internalize those messages. It’s possible to start believing the comments of an anonymous audience more than what we know to be true about ourselves. They may feel like they are under surveillance and need to be perfect in every expression to avoid harassment. Unfortunately, striving for moral perfectionism rarely guards us against other people’s flippant comments. That said, the positive side of online shame can be accountability. Sometimes a public figure is shamed because their actions have been genuinely harmful. The best outcome in these scenarios is that they reflect on the harm caused and take genuine (not performative) action to make repairs.
Many people who troll others online, or who leave harsh comments, can likely be kind and sweet people in “real life”. These people would likely never publicly shout at someone in a room filled with 100 people. Yet, on social media, when you embarrass someone, you are doing it in front of thousands or even millions of people, and it is out there forever. Can you give 3 or 4 reasons why social media tends to bring out the worst in people; why people are meaner online than they are in person?
Humans are naturally drawn to notice threats to our identity and the groups we belong to. The architects of social media platforms use this understanding of behavioral psychology to create algorithms that reward conversations driving engagement. People may seem meaner online because platforms deliberately show us the most divisive and activating rhetoric. Two psychological phenomena that contribute to our sense that people are meaner online are negativity bias and social identity theory. Negativity Bias is the ability to identify and recall danger quickly. We are biologically primed to notice things that threaten our survival. When overstimulated, our brains naturally use negativity bias to filter stimuli by relevance. This is why a news outlets might choose the most provocative headline. Our attention naturally gravitates to aggravating material. Social identity theory is the study of how we bond ourselves to other people like us. When we belong to a group that is criticized, oppressed, or otherwise endangered, a threat to the collective registers as a threat to ourselves. This is why comments on a political debate can feel like a personal attack. It’s also worth noting how activated we (rightly) become when our basic human rights are threatened. Our anger might not always be expressed in the most productive ways, but outrage is warranted in the face of efforts to marginalize and oppress. It makes sense that we might express fury with increasing intensity when our activism is ignored or censored. I don’t think people experiencing systemic violence owe the internet politeness in order to be heard.
If you had the power to influence thousands of people about how to best comment and interact online, what would you suggest to them? What are your “5 things we should each do to help make social media and the internet a kinder and more tolerant place”? Can you give a story or an example for each?
I think it’s useful for social media users to reflect on their personal guidelines for engagement. I’ve included five journalling prompts to help you design your own roadmap for communicating on social media in a way that is considerate of others while also honoring your own boundaries and needs. Write your answers to these questions in a moment when you aren’t frustrated and reactive. You could even keep your responses in your Notes app to refer to when you’re tempted to engage in tense conversations online.
- Describe the culture you would like to contribute to online. What are your virtues in communication? What does that look and sound like? (Ex: compassion, giving other the benefit of the doubt, leading with curiosity)
- How can I tell when I’m too activated to have a productive conversation? (Ex: When my impulse is to humiliate or punish instead of educate)
- What helps me slow down, regulate myself, and respond thoughtfully? (Ex: writing my response on paper first, waiting 24 hours before sending a reply)
- What are the signs that a conversation is unlikely to be productive in the first place? (Ex: If the person is incentivized to provoke reactions like mine, if drawing more attention to this conversation would harm someone)
- Which people and accounts can I surround myself with that set an example for positive engagement online? Is there anyone I could unfollow?
Freedom of speech prohibits censorship in the public square. Do you think that applies to social media? Do American citizens have a right to say whatever they want within the confines of a social media platform owned by a private enterprise?
This is such a nuanced question. Social media differs from ‘the public square’ in that it isn’t a defined place that can be easily contained, maintained, or monitored. It’s a rapidly evolving space shaped by the financial incentives of tech companies. I think the issue is not simply what individuals should be allowed to say, but what responsibility platforms have yield the power to amplify hateful rhetoric and disinformation with real humanitarian consequences.
If you had full control over Facebook or Twitter, which specific changes would you make to limit harmful or hurtful attacks?
Definitely increased budgets for content moderation as well as comprehensive mental health care for tech workers frequently exposed to traumatizing material!
Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?
“You can’t punish yourself into healing.” I think we can get distracted by perfectionism in the pursuit of wellbeing. True wellness is not a never-ending list of goals and ways we should fix ourselves. It’s about offering ourselves radical compassion for who we are in the present moment.
How can our readers follow you on social media?
You can find me on Instagram and TikTok @Art_Therapy_IRL and you can find creative ideas for caring for your mental health on social media in my book, The Art of Thriving Online.
Thank you so much for these insights! This was so inspiring!
Amelia Knott of Art Therapy in Real Life: 5 Things We Can Each Do To Make Social Media And The… was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.