..Authenticity is especially important when dating. Being honest from the start helps filter out connections that aren’t a good fit, saving you from wasting energy on relationships built on pretense. It allows you to attract people who align with your values while naturally letting incompatible matches fall away. Vulnerability, on the other hand, allows you to form deeper bonds more quickly because you’re showing up as your true self — and that’s what creates meaningful connections.
One of the biggest traps people fall into is trying to prove themselves to potential partners through people-pleasing. Whether it’s agreeing with opinions you don’t share, avoiding conflict, or constantly going out of your way to accommodate someone, it creates an unbalanced dynamic that’s unsustainable in the long run. Resentment tends to build, and the relationship can become more about performance than partnership.
On the flip side, there’s a lot of advice out there encouraging people to play games — things like being hard to get, making someone “earn” your attention, or withholding affection to create power dynamics. While these tactics might spark initial attraction, they’re based on manipulation rather than trust. Meaningful relationships aren’t about winning or losing — they’re about building a foundation of mutual respect and understanding…
In today’s fast-paced and interconnected world, finding and maintaining meaningful romantic relationships can be a daunting task. From navigating dating apps to managing expectations in a digital age, there are numerous challenges individuals face in their quest for love. Through this series, we would like to explore the complexities of modern dating and relationships, offering insights, advice, and strategies for navigating the often confusing landscape of love in the 21st century. In this series, we are talking to experts in psychology, relationship coaching, sociology, matchmaking, and individuals with personal experiences navigating the modern dating scene, to share their knowledge, perspectives, and stories. As part of this series, we had the pleasure of interviewing Elizabeth Rodgers.
Elizabeth Rodgers is the founder of Capy, a refreshing take on the modern dating app, designed to help people build meaningful connections through shared passions and social impact. A creative problem-solver at heart, Elizabeth’s professional journey has been anything but conventional. From owning a boutique fitness studio to working in financial compliance, her experiences have shaped her vision for fostering authenticity and purpose in the dating world.
Elizabeth has always been drawn to taking bold risks — whether it was venturing into entrepreneurship by starting her own business, challenging conventional norms in the corporate world, or reimagining how people connect through dating apps. Her decision to launch Capy reflects that same fearless approach: stepping outside the comfort zone to create something new, impactful, and purpose-driven.
A lifelong nature lover, Elizabeth recharges by hiking, gardening, and immersing herself in the outdoors. Her mission with Capy is simple yet impactful: make dating about more than just swiping, and inspire connections that give back to people, communities, and the planet.
Thank you so much for your time! I know that you are a very busy person. Our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you tell us your “Origin Story”? Can you tell us the story of how you grew up?
Growing up, we moved around a lot for my dad’s job. Until I was 10, we lived in Michigan; then we moved to North Carolina until I was 16. After that, we uprooted again to Northern California, where I stayed for 13 years before eventually moving back to NC. The first time I watched the movie, Inside Out, I cried — like, full-on sobbed — because it was as if my childhood was playing out on screen. I remembered living on a quiet block with a pond, only to be dropped into an unfamiliar and crowded metropolitan city.
The disruption that comes with moving during childhood can be tough, but I’ve always been thankful for the adventures and the exposure to different cultures across the U.S. That said, I never really felt like I fit in anywhere. I always had a couple of close friends, but I wasn’t part of a clique or group. Soccer became my one consistent social outlet starting at age 5, and I played all the way through high school.
Being epileptic added another layer to the “not fitting in” theme. I felt like I had to constantly advocate for myself and prove my abilities. Maybe that’s why I always gravitated toward being the guardian of the class underdog — it’s hard to stand by when you know what it’s like to feel “different.” Of course, that also made me an easy target for bullying, so moving onto the next city or the next group of classmates was never all that hard for me.
I didn’t particularly enjoy school — socially or academically. I wasn’t rebellious or anything, but I just wanted to be somewhere else. I’d rather be playing sports, exploring the outdoors, learning about things that weren’t in the curriculum, or daydreaming about solving world problems. When you’re a teenager, not following the predetermined path makes people assume you’re lazy, depressed, or ungrateful. Surprise, though: turns out I have ADHD! I didn’t find out until my 30s, but that diagnosis was validating. It explained so much about my struggles — and also made me realize it’s part of my superpower.
I still don’t feel like I fit in most of the time, but I’m kind of over it now. Sure, insecurities sneak up every now and then, but I’ve learned to embrace my quirks. If someone finds them annoying instead of intriguing, we’re just not meant to be friends — and that’s fine.
Looking back, those experiences shaped so much of who I am today. The feeling of not fitting into a box led me to build my own, which is probably why we’ll be launching Capy. It’s for the people who want to connect authentically — quirks, differences, and all — because sometimes the best connections come when we stop trying to fit in.
Can you tell us a bit about what you do professionally, and what brought you to this specific career path?
It’s funny — it’s been a winding path to get here, and if you’d told me years ago that I’d be building a dating app, I probably would’ve laughed. Like a lot of people, I’ve done a little bit of everything. I started out in retail and food service (yes, I was a barista — and I can still make a mean latte). Those experiences taught me so much about hard work, connecting with people, and finding joy in the small, everyday interactions.
My first leap into entrepreneurship came when I owned a boutique fitness studio as a certified personal trainer. That experience gave me a crash course in business ownership — creating unique experiences, building relationships, and learning to problem-solve on the fly. After that, I had a short stint at CompostNow, a local composting business focused on reducing food waste, where I fell in love with community-driven work. Eventually, I shifted gears and spent several years in financial crime compliance at banks and fintech startups. At first glance, these roles might seem disconnected, but they all had a common thread: problem-solving, building connections, and finding ways to make people’s lives better.
The idea for Capy actually came from my personal experiences with dating and volunteering. I loved the idea of volunteering — it’s such a powerful way to connect with your community — but I realized that most volunteer activities weren’t designed to encourage people to interact with anyone they didn’t already know. I kept thinking, What a missed opportunity. Bonding over shared passions and experiences can lead to such genuine connections, but there wasn’t an environment that intentionally cultivated that.
That’s when the lightbulb went off. What if I could combine dating with purpose-driven activities, where people could connect naturally through shared interests while doing something good? That spark turned into Capy.
Now, I get to build a platform that helps people break free from the shallow, transactional nature of modern dating. Capy creates the kind of environment I always wished existed — where connections happen authentically, through experiences that give back to people, communities, and the planet.
You are a successful leader. Which three character traits do you think were most instrumental to your success? Can you please share a story or example for each?
1. Resilience:
Resilience has been essential throughout my journey — especially when facing unexpected challenges. At 24, I took a big leap and opened a boutique fitness studio in California. It was a dream come true, but the economy was in a rough place at the time, and people stopped prioritizing personalized fitness in their budgets. It was incredibly hard to make ends meet, and eventually, I had to make the difficult decision to sell the business. I don’t look at that as a failure, though. It was a turning point that taught me so much about adaptability, perseverance, and the realities of running a business.
That same resilience has been key as we prepare to launch Capy. Building a startup comes with hurdles — we’ve had to pivot our thought process a few times as we encountered challenges. Instead of getting discouraged, I’ve learned to see these moments as opportunities to improve. Each adjustment has made us stronger and better prepared to deliver a product that truly meets the needs of our users. Resilience has taught me that setbacks aren’t the end of the story — they’re just part of the process of building something great.
2. Growth Mindset:
I’ve always believed in learning through challenges and remaining open to new ideas. Early in my career, I struggled with not fitting into traditional roles, especially in the corporate world. It would’ve been easy to see that as a weakness, but I started viewing it as a strength. I realized that my unconventional path gave me a unique perspective and the ability to think outside the box. This mindset is what led me to identify the gap in volunteer events that inspired Capy. I approached it with curiosity: Why aren’t these experiences better designed to help strangers connect? That growth mindset — asking questions, listening, and being willing to pivot — allowed me to turn a personal observation into a purpose-driven platform.
3. Empathy:
Empathy has been the foundation of everything I’ve done, both personally and professionally. It’s something I developed early on, growing up as someone who didn’t always fit in and advocating for myself and others. Whether I was supporting clients at my fitness studio or working in compliance to protect customers from fraud, I’ve always led with understanding.
With Capy, empathy drives how I think about the user experience — what people really want when they’re looking for a connection, how they feel navigating dating apps, and how they can build relationships that go deeper. But it also shapes the app’s mission to focus on social impact. I believe the connections we build should be meaningful — not just for the individuals involved but for the communities around us. Dating apps often feel transactional and superficial, and I wanted to create something different: a platform that encourages people to bond through shared passions while doing good for others and the planet.
Empathy isn’t just about understanding individual needs; it’s about seeing the bigger picture and creating solutions that bring people together in ways that matter. That’s what drives me every day as I work to make Capy a platform that’s not just functional but deeply human-centered
Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you think that will help people?
Absolutely! I’m currently working on launching Capy, a dating app designed to help people form more meaningful connections by bonding over shared passions and purposeful activities. The idea behind Capy is simple: modern dating has become so transactional and surface-level that people often miss out on building deeper, authentic relationships.
I was recently listening to a podcast that talked about the rise of niche dating apps and how they bring together like-minded people. That really resonated with me because Capy is part of that movement — it’s for people who want to meet others in a more intentional, organic way. Instead of endless swiping or awkward small talk, Capy connects people through activities and experiences that encourage genuine interaction and shared enjoyment.
What makes Capy unique is its focus on getting people out into the world to bond over common interests while doing something that feels worthwhile. It’s for people who want more than the typical “What do you do for a living?” conversations and instead want to meet others and create natural, genuine connections.
I think Capy will help people in two really important ways. First, it offers a more intentional and low-pressure way to meet others. Whether it’s building care packages, joining a community cleanup, or working on another fun project together, these activities naturally create opportunities for connection. So even if romantic sparks don’t fly, the time you’ve spent still feels rewarding.
Second, it creates space for people to interact as their true selves. When you’re connecting through shared experiences, you’re not performing or curating an image. You’re just you, and I think that’s what makes connections stick. I believe this will help people build stronger, more authentic relationships that last.
I’m excited to see how Capy changes the way people meet and build relationships — because when you start by enjoying an activity together, the connection comes naturally.
For the benefit of our readers, can you briefly tell our readers why you are an authority on the topic of dating and finding love?
I wouldn’t necessarily call myself an “authority” in the traditional sense, but my experiences and approach have definitely given me a unique perspective on dating and relationships. As an introvert with ADHD, I’ve always been naturally observant of the world around me and extremely introspective. I didn’t start dating until after high school, so by that point, I had a certain level of self-awareness and emotional intelligence that shaped how I approached relationships.
That doesn’t mean I haven’t made mistakes — because I’ve made plenty! But I believe that accountability and growth are key. Every relationship, whether it’s a success or a learning experience, has helped me understand myself better and gain insight into what makes a relationship truly work.
Growing up, my parents instilled in my sister and me the importance of solving conflicts as a team. If we couldn’t figure it out ourselves, my mom would step in and solve it for us — and no one wanted that! We learned to see each other’s perspectives and approach disagreements collaboratively, which has been a huge asset in my romantic relationships as I’ve matured.
I also tend to dive deep into researching topics that interest me personally, and dating has been no exception. Whether it’s reading about relationship psychology, analyzing social trends, or just observing how people interact, I approach dating with a sense of curiosity and a desire to truly understand what makes people connect.
Even when I’m single, I often find that people value my perspective on dating. I think this comes from my ability to see situations from multiple angles, thanks to being both introspective and naturally observant. These qualities, combined with my research-driven curiosity, inspired me to create Capy — a platform designed to help people navigate dating in a more thoughtful and intentional way.
So while I don’t think of myself as someone with all the answers, I do think my combination of personal experiences, self-awareness, and curiosity gives me a meaningful lens to view dating and relationships — and to help others navigate the complexities of finding love.
Ok. Thank you for that. Let’s now shift to the main part of our discussion about ‘How To Navigate Our Complicated Modern World To Find Love’. Based on your experience, what is a common root cause of the “inability to find love”?
I don’t think there’s just one root cause — it’s often a combination of things — but a few key patterns come to mind.
One big issue is unrealistic expectations. People sometimes have this idea that a partner needs to check every box on their dream list — whether that’s about looks, wealth, or charm — and they end up prioritizing superficial qualities over things that actually build lasting relationships, like mutual respect, shared goals, and emotional support. Along with that, there’s a tendency to reduce partners to rigid stereotypes — expecting everyone to behave or act in a certain way instead of appreciating their unique qualities. It’s easy to get stuck in a pattern of searching for the “perfect” person and overlooking the real, imperfect connection right in front of you.
Another big factor is a lack of self-awareness. It’s hard to build a healthy relationship if you don’t know yourself or what you genuinely want. People sometimes jump into relationships trying to fill a void or prove something to themselves or others. Insecurities and the need to “perform” can lead to a dynamic that isn’t balanced or authentic.
I also think a lot of this comes down to forgetting that relationships are a two-way street. It’s not just about finding someone who meets your needs; it’s about being willing to meet theirs, too. That requires emotional maturity, communication, and an understanding that no one is perfect — not even you.
Ultimately, I think the root causes boil down to a mix of self-reflection and the ability to look beyond surface-level qualities. When people approach dating with curiosity, patience, and a willingness to truly get to know someone, they’re much more likely to build a meaningful connection.
What are some common misconceptions or myths about finding love in the modern world, and how can they be debunked?
One of the biggest misconceptions is the idea that everyone in the dating pool is broken or that there are no quality individuals left. I hear this a lot — people saying, “All the good ones are taken” or “Dating apps are just full of people who aren’t serious.” While it’s true that modern dating comes with challenges, it’s not that the dating pool is inherently bad — it’s often about how we’re approaching it.
A big part of this misconception comes from people getting stuck in patterns. It’s not uncommon to see someone date the same type of person over and over — often someone who exhibits toxic traits or isn’t compatible long-term. If you find yourself in a clone of the same unhealthy relationship three, four, five times, it’s important to pause and look inward. The one common denominator in all of those relationships is you. That’s not to say you’re the problem, but there may be patterns or behaviors you’re unconsciously repeating — like overlooking red flags, chasing a dopamine high, or prioritizing the wrong qualities.
Another myth is the idea that finding love should be effortless, like it’s just going to magically fall into place if you meet the right person. The truth is, building a meaningful relationship takes work — on yourself and with your partner. Self-awareness, accountability, and a willingness to grow are all critical.
The good news is, these myths can be debunked by shifting your perspective. Instead of blaming the dating pool or external circumstances, focus on what you can control — your choices, your expectations, and your approach. When you take the time to reflect on what you want and what patterns you might need to break, you open the door to more authentic, fulfilling connections.
There are plenty of quality people out there — you just need to be intentional about how you look for them and open to the idea that love doesn’t always show up how or when you expect it to.
What advice do you have for individuals who feel overwhelmed or disillusioned by the challenges of modern dating, and how can they maintain hope and optimism in their search for love?
It’s easy to feel overwhelmed with all the advice, trends, and labels that come with modern dating. One thing I often hear is people diagnosing themselves — or their partners — based on attachment styles. While attachment theory can be a helpful tool, there’s a misconception that you can only have a healthy relationship if both people have a secure attachment style. That’s simply not true.
Attachment theory isn’t about labeling or disqualifying people — it’s about self-awareness and learning to navigate your own triggers while respecting your partner’s needs. Someone with an anxious or avoidant attachment style can absolutely build a healthy, meaningful relationship if both people are willing to communicate and grow. Relationships are dynamic, and with effort and understanding, attachment styles can shift over time.
I think this ties into a broader piece of advice: don’t approach dating with rigid rules or absolutes. It’s tempting to use frameworks like attachment styles as shortcuts, but real relationships are nuanced. Focus instead on getting to know yourself — what you need, what your triggers are, and how you communicate. When you bring that level of self-awareness to dating, you’ll be more open to seeing people for who they really are, not just how they fit into a label or checklist.
It’s also important to manage your expectations. Finding the right person doesn’t mean everything will be smooth sailing from day one. Healthy relationships take time, effort, and vulnerability. They grow when both people are willing to navigate challenges together and lean into those moments of discomfort with empathy and curiosity.
So, if you’re feeling disillusioned, my advice is to focus less on the “rules” of modern dating and more on building self-awareness and patience. A meaningful connection isn’t about checking boxes — it’s about learning, growing, and being open to the unexpected.
Let’s explore how the rise of social media and dating apps has impacted the way individuals approach and experience dating and relationships. Can you share a few dos and don’ts about how to use social media to find love?
In all honesty, I avoid social media like the plague. It has set such a false precedent — not just for physical appearances but for what to expect out of life in general. It’s created this pressure to look perfect, act perfect, and have a picture-perfect relationship, which is completely unrealistic.
That said, I do think social media can be helpful in small, intentional doses — if you know how to filter the good from the bad. There are some excellent influencers and accounts that share thoughtful advice about relationships and personal growth, but there’s a lot of toxic messaging you have to wade through to find them.
Here are a few of my dos and don’ts when it comes to social media and dating:
DO:
Seek Out Quality Content. Follow creators or influencers who prioritize healthy relationship practices and emotional well-being. Look for content that encourages authenticity, self-reflection, and meaningful connections rather than superficial tactics or games. Engaging with thoughtful, grounded advice can help you approach dating with clarity and confidence.
Use It for Inspiration, Not Comparison. It’s fine to pick up tips or ideas from social media, but remember that it’s a highlight reel — not the full story. Just because someone’s relationship looks flawless online doesn’t mean it is.
Stay Curious. If you’re encountering frameworks like attachment styles or other relationship concepts, approach them with curiosity and a willingness to learn — not as a set of rules to rigidly follow.
DON’T:
Let It Define Your Self-Worth. Social media is not the place to validate your appearance, your dating profile, or your relationship status. Don’t let likes, comments, or other superficial metrics affect how you feel about yourself.
Follow Toxic Narratives. There’s a lot of content out there that encourages manipulation, game-playing, or rigid expectations in relationships. Those things might get attention, but they don’t build genuine, lasting connections.
Overanalyze Every Post. It’s easy to get caught up in wondering why someone didn’t like your post or why they stopped responding to your story. Don’t let social media create unnecessary anxieties in your dating life.
Ultimately, social media has added a lot of noise to the dating world. While it can be a tool for finding inspiration or learning something new, it’s important to keep perspective. Real relationships aren’t built on curated posts or viral dating advice — they’re built on honest communication, mutual effort, and a willingness to grow together.
Can you share a few dos and don’ts about how to use dating apps to find love?
Dating apps can be great tools for meeting people, but it’s important to approach them with the right mindset. If you’re just swiping based on surface-level qualities or holding out for someone who perfectly matches your “type,” you’re probably setting yourself up for frustration. There are good people out there, but you need to be open-minded and intentional about what you’re looking for in a truly fulfilling relationship.
Here are a few dos and don’ts to help navigate dating apps successfully:
DO:
Define What a Fulfilling Relationship Looks Like for You. Spend some time reflecting on what you really want — beyond surface-level traits. Think about qualities like mutual respect, support, trust, commitment, and whether their words and actions align. A fulfilling relationship is about connection and shared goals, not just a checklist of physical attributes or hobbies.
Broaden Your Horizons. Be open to connecting with people who might not fit your usual “type.” You might discover that the qualities you truly value in a partner aren’t what you initially thought. Sometimes, the person who surprises you is the one who’s best for you.
Showcase Your Authentic Self. When creating your profile, be honest about who you are and what you’re looking for. Highlight your interests, passions, and what makes you unique. Authenticity attracts the right people and weeds out those who aren’t aligned with you.
DON’T:
Get Stuck Chasing a “Perfect” Type. If you’re only seeking out the fit, 6’2”, charismatic finance bro — or any other overly specific type — you may overlook someone amazing. Broaden your criteria and focus on the traits that truly matter in building a lasting relationship.
Rely Too Much on First Impressions. Photos and initial messages are just a starting point. Take the time to get to know someone beyond the app. Real connections happen in conversation and shared experiences, not just through curated profiles.
Ignore Red Flags. While it’s important to be open-minded, don’t overlook behaviors that signal incompatibility or lack of respect. Trust your instincts and prioritize your emotional well-being.
Dating apps are just tools — they can help you meet people, but the real connection comes from the effort you put into building a relationship. Be intentional, stay curious, and remember that finding love often requires looking beyond what you think you want to discover what you truly need.
Can you share a few dos and don’ts about looking for romance in real-life physical spaces like congregations, bars, markets, and conventions?
Meeting people in real-life spaces definitely has its challenges these days. The #MeToo movement, while vital for creating safer interactions, has left some men hesitant to approach women. Add the pandemic and the rise of remote work, and many of us are feeling out of practice with in-person connections. But I still think real-life interactions offer something dating apps can’t — they let you connect with someone in a more organic way, observing their energy and how they interact with the world around them.
Here are a few dos and don’ts for navigating real-life spaces:
DO:
Be Open and Curious. Let go of assumptions and stereotypes about the opposite sex. For instance, not all men are misogynistic or only interested in hookups, and not all women are uninterested just because they’ve advocated for respect and equality. Assigning these kinds of negative labels creates unnecessary tension and shuts down opportunities for genuine connection. Instead, approach people as individuals and with a sense of curiosity. When you let go of judgment and take the time to understand someone for who they really are, you open the door to so many more possibilities.
Pay Attention to Body Language. A lot of communication happens nonverbally, so learning to read body language can be incredibly helpful. Are they facing toward you? Smiling? Making eye contact? These are often subtle signs of openness, but keep in mind that some people might just be shy or nervous. If you’re unsure, a warm, friendly approach is always a good starting point.
Start Small and Authentic. Whether it’s at a bar, a market, or a convention, low-pressure conversation starters work best. Compliments, observations about your surroundings, or questions related to a shared activity can open the door in a natural way.
DON’T:
Let Rejection Stop You. Women, this applies to us too! If you see someone who piques your interest, take a chance and say hello. Men shouldn’t have to carry all the responsibility for starting conversations. And guys, don’t let fear of rejection hold you back either. Confidence and respect go a long way for everyone.
Rely Solely on Bars. Bars can be fun, but they’re not always the easiest place to gauge compatibility. It’s noisy, there’s alcohol involved, and the vibe can make genuine connection harder to achieve. Instead, prioritize places where shared interests are already part of the environment, like community markets, conventions, or outdoor events.
Make It About “Winning.” Real-life interactions aren’t a competition or a performance. Focus on genuinely getting to know someone, not impressing them or “scoring points.” Authenticity is always more attractive than a perfectly rehearsed line.
One of the reasons I’m launching Capy is because I want to make it easier for people to meet in these kinds of environments. Our IRL events are designed to help people connect over shared experiences and interests in a way that feels natural and low-pressure. It’s less about putting on a show and more about getting to know someone in a meaningful way.
Ultimately, real-life spaces offer incredible opportunities to connect if we approach them with curiosity, respect, and an open mind. Let go of the labels, leave perfectionism at the door, and just see where a genuine conversation might lead.
What are your thoughts about the challenges and opportunities that come with workplace romances?
Workplace romances are definitely a polarizing topic, but I think there are real benefits to them when approached thoughtfully. According to a 2024 Forbes Advisor poll, 65% of employees cited comfortability as a key reason for engaging in workplace romances. Shared experiences, daily interactions, and the natural camaraderie that develops in the workplace often lead to deeper connections. In fact, 43% of people in workplace relationships even ended up getting married.
Another study found that 92% of those who experienced workplace relationships reported higher job satisfaction during the relationship. When handled well, these relationships can create a supportive dynamic that positively impacts both personal and professional lives.
That said, workplace romances come with their share of challenges, particularly when power dynamics are involved — like a supervisor dating a subordinate. These situations can create conflicts, whether it’s a partner exploiting the relationship or others in the office creating a narrative to stir up drama. Either scenario can be damaging to reputations and careers, not to mention the overall work environment.
The key is transparency and professionalism. Many companies have policies in place to address workplace relationships, and it’s important to follow those guidelines. Open communication, setting boundaries, and being mindful of how the relationship might impact the team are all crucial.
Ultimately, while workplace romances can pose risks, they can also lead to meaningful, lasting relationships when approached with care and consideration. Like any relationship, success depends on mutual respect, clear communication, and a commitment to navigating challenges together.
Can you discuss the role of vulnerability and authenticity in forming meaningful connections and finding lasting love?
Vulnerability and authenticity are absolutely essential in forming meaningful connections and building lasting love. While it’s natural to want to protect yourself early in a relationship, it’s important to show your true self. Authenticity doesn’t mean oversharing or dropping your boundaries right away — it means being honest about who you are, what you value, and what you’re looking for.
Authenticity is especially important when dating. Being honest from the start helps filter out connections that aren’t a good fit, saving you from wasting energy on relationships built on pretense. It allows you to attract people who align with your values while naturally letting incompatible matches fall away. Vulnerability, on the other hand, allows you to form deeper bonds more quickly because you’re showing up as your true self — and that’s what creates meaningful connections.
One of the biggest traps people fall into is trying to prove themselves to potential partners through people-pleasing. Whether it’s agreeing with opinions you don’t share, avoiding conflict, or constantly going out of your way to accommodate someone, it creates an unbalanced dynamic that’s unsustainable in the long run. Resentment tends to build, and the relationship can become more about performance than partnership.
On the flip side, there’s a lot of advice out there encouraging people to play games — things like being hard to get, making someone “earn” your attention, or withholding affection to create power dynamics. While these tactics might spark initial attraction, they’re based on manipulation rather than trust. Meaningful relationships aren’t about winning or losing — they’re about building a foundation of mutual respect and understanding.
Vulnerability is often misunderstood as weakness, but in reality, it’s a sign of courage and emotional strength. It means being willing to open up, to share your fears, dreams, and quirks, and to let someone see the real you. That kind of openness creates space for a deeper connection, where both people feel seen, valued, and accepted.
In the end, vulnerability and authenticity are about showing up as your whole self, while also allowing the other person to do the same. When both people feel safe to be themselves, it creates the kind of partnership where trust, respect, and love can truly flourish.
Based on your experience or research, what are the “Five Things You Need To Navigate Our Complicated Modern World To Find Love”? If you can, please share a story or an example for each.
1. Patience:
Patience is just as critical in the dating phase as it is in relationships. Love isn’t something you can rush or force — it’s something that needs time and space to develop naturally. It can be tempting to push for clarity or have “the exclusivity talk” too soon, but dating is about getting to know someone over time. Instead of rushing, focus on observing whether your actions and words align, if you feel secure in the connection, and whether communication about needs, wants, and dislikes is open and honest.
When you approach dating with patience, you create a foundation of trust and understanding. Forcing a connection or jumping ahead too quickly often leads to misaligned expectations. By allowing the relationship to evolve at its own pace, you give compatibility the chance to reveal itself in a way that feels authentic and sustainable.
2. Introspection:
Introspection is just as important in dating as it is in relationships. Every relationship — whether it lasts or ends — is an opportunity for self-reflection and growth. Reflecting on what hasn’t worked in the past — like unhealthy patterns or staying in situations that weren’t fulfilling — can help you approach dating with more clarity and intention. By understanding what you truly value and need, you can focus on building connections that align with your goals and avoid repeating old mistakes.
I’ve had relationships in the past where I stayed for all the wrong reasons. One, in particular, stands out because I ignored my gut instincts and stayed because others told me, “He’s so nice to you; you just need to give him a chance.” That experience taught me some valuable lessons:
- Trust your instincts. No one knows what’s best for you better than you.
- Let go to grow. Staying in a relationship to avoid hurting someone else ultimately harms you both. Resentment builds on both sides, and neither person gets what they deserve — a partner who truly loves them for who they are.
- Take accountability. While it’s tempting to blame one person when a relationship ends, most breakups involve contributions from both parties. Recognizing your role and learning from it is essential to building healthier connections in the future.
By treating each relationship as a stepping stone and a chance to grow, you can approach future connections with more confidence, self-awareness, and purpose.
3. An Open Mind:
When dating, keeping an open mind can lead to connections you never expected. Often, people stick to patterns or preconceived ideas of their “type,” but breaking free from these can open the door to surprising and fulfilling relationships. The happiest connection I’ve ever had started when I let myself explore something entirely different from my past dating experiences.
I never consciously thought of myself as someone with a “type,” but looking back, I realized I was consistently drawn to the same kind of person — emotionally unavailable partners. It wasn’t something I sought out deliberately; it was a subconscious pattern tied to my own fears of rejection. Growing up, I struggled with bullying and often felt like a misfit, which shaped my attachment style into anxious-avoidant — the best of both worlds! I found myself chasing unavailable people because it felt safer to prepare for inevitable rejection rather than face it unexpectedly.
When I met my current partner, everything felt different. There was this immediate magnetism, which quickly turned into a sense of security and comfort. Normally, I would’ve panicked at that stage — interpreting calm and steady as “boring” or “too comfortable.” But this time, I gave myself the chance to sit with those feelings instead of running from them.
At one point, I remember asking myself a simple but clarifying question: “Things feel calm and comfortable — does that mean I’ve lost interest, or do I still feel drawn to him?” The answer was clear: I absolutely did. That realization helped me understand that excitement in a relationship doesn’t have to come from emotional turmoil or unpredictability — it can come from building something secure and meaningful with someone who truly sees and values you.
This experience taught me the importance of keeping an open mind and heart. Sometimes the person who’s best for you doesn’t fit the patterns you’re used to — but they’re the one who helps you break free from them.
4. Acceptance:
No one is perfect — not you, not your partner. True connection happens when you can embrace each other for who you really are, flaws and all. Going into a relationship with rose-colored glasses or putting someone on a pedestal sets you both up for disappointment.
Real love isn’t about idealizing someone — it’s about choosing to appreciate their quirks and imperfections while offering them the same grace for yours. This kind of acceptance builds trust, security, and mutual respect, which are the cornerstones of lasting love.
5. Compromise:
Relationships are about give and take. We all have our own needs and desires, but love requires making room for your partner’s needs as well. Compromise isn’t about sacrificing your happiness or values — it’s about finding balance and working together to create a relationship that feels fulfilling for both people.
When approached with respect and communication, compromise can strengthen a relationship and deepen your connection. It’s not about keeping score but about finding ways to support each other and grow as a team.
Do you have any favorite books, podcasts, or resources related to this topic that you would recommend to our readers?
I love The Sabrina Zohar Show. Sabrina’s advice is grounded, relatable, and often focuses on building healthy relationships and setting realistic expectations in the dating world. Beyond that, here are a few other resources I’d recommend:
- The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown
Brené dives into the power of vulnerability and authenticity, showing how embracing our imperfections can lead to more meaningful connections. - The Gottman Institute
Their work is a gold standard for relationship research and advice. I highly recommend exploring their blog, the Small Things Often podcast, and books by Drs. Julie and John Gottman, which provide practical, research-backed insights into building strong, lasting relationships. - The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson (Book & Blog)
While not strictly about relationships, Mark Manson’s work is great for learning to set boundaries, focus on what matters, and navigate life with confidence.
You are a person of great influence. If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
If I could start a movement, it would be about making human connection more intentional and impactful. That’s why I’m so passionate about Capy — it’s not just a dating app; it’s a platform designed to bring people together in a way that fosters authentic relationships while also giving back to the community.
The modern world can feel so isolating, even though we’re more connected than ever online. People are swiping through profiles, having shallow conversations, and missing out on the deeper, more meaningful connections that come from shared experiences and common goals. I believe we need to shift the focus from superficiality to substance — from just finding someone who looks good on paper to finding someone who aligns with your passions and values.
Capy’s events and activities are designed to create spaces where people can bond naturally while contributing to causes that matter to them. It’s about building not just personal connections but also a sense of community and purpose. If this movement could grow beyond Capy, I’d love to see more platforms, organizations, and individuals embracing the idea that relationships — romantic or otherwise — can be rooted in shared experiences that make the world a better place.
Imagine a world where dating isn’t just about “finding the one” but about connecting in ways that are good for people, communities, and the planet. That’s the movement I want to inspire.
How can our readers further follow your work online?
I’d love for your readers to follow along! You can check out Capy’s website at getcapy.io to learn more about the app and its mission. For more insights, tips, and stories, visit our blog on Medium at https://medium.com/@getcapyblog.
And of course, join us on Instagram at @getcapy for updates, fun content, and a glimpse into how Capy is changing the way people connect.
Thank you so much for sharing these important insights. We wish you continued success and good health!
Thank you so much for having me — it’s been an absolute pleasure to share my thoughts and experiences. I truly appreciate the opportunity to connect with your readers, and I hope some of these insights resonate and spark meaningful conversations. Wishing you and your readers all the best as well, and I’m excited to see where this journey takes us all!
Elizabeth Rodgers of Capy On How To Navigate Our Complicated Modern World To Find Love was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.