Angela Dawn Baccala of Authentic Heart Coaching On How To Navigate Our Complicated Modern World To Find Love
A Fulfilling Life as a Single Person. Go out and live your best life: take the class, pick up the hobby, go on the trip. Don’t wait until you find “the one” to do the things you’ve been dreaming about. You’re more likely to find love if you’re already feeling great on your own!
In today’s fast-paced and interconnected world, finding and maintaining meaningful romantic relationships can be a daunting task. From navigating dating apps to managing expectations in a digital age, there are numerous challenges individuals face in their quest for love. Through this series, we would like to explore the complexities of modern dating and relationships, offering insights, advice, and strategies for navigating the often confusing landscape of love in the 21st century. In this series, we are talking to experts in psychology, relationship coaching, sociology, matchmaking, and individuals with personal experiences navigating the modern dating scene, to share their knowledge, perspectives, and stories. As part of this series, we had the pleasure of interviewing Angela Dawn.
Angela Dawn (she/her) is a Certified Sex, Love & Relationship Coach and a Certified Tantric Sex Coach, dedicated to helping couples Get Closer. With a wealth of experience in yoga and Tibetan Buddhism, she brings a holistic approach to her coaching. Angela’s mission is to empower clients to find fulfillment in love and life, free from societal taboos. Based in Annapolis, Maryland, her unique perspective and extensive training in tantric practices make her the ideal guide for enriching your intimate relationships.
Thank you so much for your time! I know that you are a very busy person. Our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you tell us your “Origin Story”? Can you tell us the story of how you grew up?
I’ll start with where I was born because people love hearing that I was born in Washington,DC. It astonishes people because it’s such a transient place. Residents come and go from this area with each election cycle, so it’s rare to find a truly “native” Washingtonian. I grew up in the suburbs of the city and settled in Annapolis as an adult. I raised my kids here and I’ve stayed because I just love being by the water.
Can you tell us a bit about what you do professionally, and what brought you to this specific career path?
The story of how I became a Sex, Love & Relationship Coach begins over 25 years ago when I was in graduate school studying a completely different subject. That was when I decided I wanted to learn yoga. It was before there were yoga studios everywhere! That practice put me on a path to learn meditation. Eventually, I found Tibetan Buddhism. I became a serious student and practitioner for more than a decade, and became a meditation instructor. Much later, around 1997, I found myself in an open relationship and began reading everything I could about attachment styles, relationships, and alternative relationships.
Because I was such a “relationship nerd,” I ended up counseling many friends around their relationship issues. Then, one day, one of my best Buddhist pals called me up and explained that she was studying with a Tantric Coach in California, and that I absolutely had to check her out — because this friend thought that was what I should be doing, too! At the time I had a very busy life and I thought she was crazy. When the pandemic hit, I all of the sudden had the time… And that was a turning point. I studied for two years and received a certification as a Sex, Love & Relationship Coach and another as a Tantric Sex Coach.
You are a successful leader. Which three character traits do you think were most instrumental to your success? Can you please share a story or example for each?
Some of the traits that make me most successful in my field are individualization, my perspective, and my ability to relate openly. Individualization helps me see the unique qualities of each person. This helps me draw out the best in my clients. Perspective allows me to provide wise counsel for others. I can explain ways of viewing relationship issues that change people’s perspectives. The biggest thing is that I can talk about sex in an open way, sharing information and getting folx to open up. Most people are just astounded that I speak openly about intimacy and it helps them feel relaxed and ready to share their struggles with me.
Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you think that will help people?
The project I’m most excited about right now is the Couples Retreat I’m leading in July in Costa Rica! I’m bringing a small group of couples on an exclusive intimacy adventure. We’re staying in a beautiful B&B in Nosara, which is basically the “yoga capital” of Costa Rica. We’ll be engaging in some beautiful group work and ceremonies, but the heart of the work is between myself and each couple. Working privately with individual couples allows me to customize what I teach. There’s no need for them to already have Tantra experience — we can start where they are.
Getting couples to take time away together, real quality time, is so important. If I can bring them to a gorgeous place and teach them new ways to engage with each other, there’s no telling what magic will take place!
For the benefit of our readers, can you briefly tell our readers why you are an authority on the topic of dating and finding love?
I’m an authority because I’ve been there in relationship hell, done the work, learned all I can, and built something beautiful. I found the perfect partner at age 45. People don’t believe it but it’s true! Before that, I was going through it in relationships like everyone else. But, I was always working on myself. I was meditating, practicing Buddhism, and learning to be a better human. Then, I shifted my focus on how to be the best person I could be in relationships. When I finally landed in my coaching training program, I had a ton of experience! However, what was really important was the process of taking myself through all the steps that I would take a client through who was looking for love. After I did that work myself, my perfect partner showed up quickly. It’s fantastic to help others do the same — only in less time than it took me!
Ok. Thank you for that. Let’s now shift to the main part of our discussion about ‘How To Navigate Our Complicated Modern World To Find Love’. Based on your experience, what is a common root cause of the “inability to find love”?
Fear. People are afraid to put themselves out there, to be vulnerable, to fully open themselves to another human. We typically aren’t taught how to engage authentically with another person. Our parents didn’t demonstrate that to us. School didn’t teach us. And, if we did open our hearts, we probably opened them to another unschooled, fearful human who ended up hurting us — making it hard for us to open up again.
We all have these layers of other people’s opinions about sex, about love, about relationships. We have stored years and years of data given to us by our family, our peers, our religion, our society, the media… Most of us don’t know what we really want in a relationship. And we definitely don’t know how to share from the heart without fear. Part of the process is unwinding social conditioning. Another part is opening to the belief that the love we desire is really possible.
What are some common misconceptions or myths about finding love in the modern world, and how can they be debunked?
A HUGE misconception is that we should follow “rules” or “play games.” I see it all the time in folks who are dating. A client might text me and ask if she should wait for her potential lover to send the next text, plan the next date, or whatever. These kinds of rules that folx subscribe to are not the way. It’s just another layer. How do you want to respond to this person? What would you like to see/hear from them? That’s where the gold is. It’s in communicating your desires and not worrying about what they will think of you. If they don’t like what you desire, they’re not going to be a good match for you, so why play games?
What advice do you have for individuals who feel overwhelmed or disillusioned by the challenges of modern dating, and how can they maintain hope and optimism in their search for love?
The first hurdle is belief. If you can get into the feeling of already believing you have the lover of your dreams, your brain will believe it’s possible. So, don’t stop daydreaming! In fact, I encourage you to imagine how you would feel if you found exactly what you wanted in terms of a relationship. Work with that feeling and try to generate it regularly. I help my clients with a neurological rewiring process that helps with this!
Let’s explore how the rise of social media and dating apps has impacted the way individuals approach and experience dating and relationships. Can you share a few dos and don’ts about how to use social media to find love?
Unfortunately, we live in a society where people are less engaged in their community than in the past. Many people are working too much. Some are still afraid to be out and about after the pandemic. There isn’t as much opportunity to meet folx organically as there was in decades past. Dating apps can be a great way to meet people if you choose the right app and use it correctly.
One big mistake people make on dating apps is trying to get a ton of matches or likes. If you are getting too many matches, your profile isn’t really speaking to who you are and what you want — because not everyone wants the same things as you! Go for fewer, quality matches.
Can you share a few dos and don’ts about how to use dating apps to find love?
The first piece of the puzzle is to know who you are. Try not to think in terms of labels like… height, religion, occupation. Consider who you really are and what you value. For example, it might be more accurate to say “deeply motivated by service” than “religious,” or that you “love learning new things” rather than saying you’re a “grad student.” What motivates you to do what you do? Share that.
I help clients write dating profiles that are an accurate reflection of who they are and what they are seeking. Once that part of the work is complete, I teach them a technique I call “Conscious Swiping.” There’s no reason to spend a ton of time on a dating app. Swiping aimlessly doesn’t get you anywhere. You need to swipe only in the right mindset, and with intention!
Can you share a few dos and don’ts about looking for romance in real-life physical spaces like congregations, bars, markets, and conventions?
If you’re more interested in meeting folx organically, I think that’s great! The best way to do that is to make sure you’re spending time with aligned groups of people. Go to festivals, conventions, meet ups etc. that center around a topic or activity you really care about, where you know there are others who share your passion. If you’re in a group of people that share similar hobbies or values, you’re more likely to meet someone compatible.
When meeting people in person, it’s good to be open to romance, but not expecting it or directly looking for it. If you spend your time eyeing the crowd for your next date, you’ll miss the event. Fully engage in what you’re doing, whether that’s dancing or rowing or being in a breakout session. Your engagement and enthusiasm in the moment is what will attract people for friendships or more.
What are your thoughts about the challenges and opportunities that come with workplace romances?
I’m a hard “no” on office or workplace romances. It can be against the rules in some situations, like if one of you is in a position of authority. Also, things can get sticky if you break up. Nobody likes to go to the water cooler and hear co-workers snickering about a fight you had with your ex who works with you. If you have a career you’re passionate about and want to find a partner who does the same work, try going to professional groups, or at least date outside of your own immediate office or department.
Can you discuss the role of vulnerability and authenticity in forming meaningful connections and finding lasting love?
My coaching practice is called Authentic Heart Coaching for a reason! It’s absolutely necessary to come from a place of authenticity when you’re seeking a new relationship, or cultivating one you’re in. Learning to be vulnerable takes work. It’s not something that most of us saw in our parents’ conversations. It’s rarely demonstrated in our society. We have to do practices that a) help our bodies know it’s safe to be vulnerable, and b) teach us how to communicate in this way. Once you begin to get the hang of openly relating to the people you care about, the depth of your relationships becomes so rich and rewarding, but it doesn’t happen without intention.
Based on your experience or research, what are the “Five Things You Need To Navigate Our Complicated Modern World To Find Love”?
1 . A Fulfilling Life as a Single Person. Go out and live your best life: take the class, pick up the hobby, go on the trip. Don’t wait until you find “the one” to do the things you’ve been dreaming about. You’re more likely to find love if you’re already feeling great on your own!
2 . The Right Vibe. Think about how you’ll feel when you find the partner of your dreams… Will you feel excited? Content? Turned on? Secure? Whatever the emotional outcome would be when you find your person, try tuning into that feeling-tone as much as possible. Your nervous system will need to experience that high-vibration emotion many, many times on repeat before it will be comfortable enough to let you feel that way all the time.
3 . Listening Skills. When you’re dating… and later when you find a relationship, learning how to listen to your partner or prospective partner is critical. Lean into listening without judgement. Don’t try and solve their problems or fix the situation. Just listen and let them know you hear what they’ve shared with you. Acknowledge their feelings and reflect back what they’ve said. There’s nothing sexier than a partner who knows how to listen and hold space for you!
4 . Clear Communication. When you’re seeking a relationship, don’t play games with communication. Be clear on your needs and desires. Your future partners don’t know what you want and need unless you express it to them. Love is a series of actions, not a guessing game where you don’t get instructions.
5 . A Love & Relationship Coach! Find a coach that will meet you where you are and help you approach the dating process authentically — not with canned responses or formulas. A great coach can help you figure out who you really are, what you’re looking for, and how to find that love you seek.
Do you have any favorite books, podcasts, or resources related to this topic that you would recommend to our readers?
I would definitely recommend that readers check out my podcast, Quickies with Angela & Caity. We have answered a lot of questions about sex, love & relationships over these past three years, and there are a few episodes about dating and dating apps!
I regularly recommend the IG account @_good.byes_ to folx who are dating. It’s got fantastic resources on how to communicate with people you’re chatting with or dating. So often people just ghost and it’s really unfair. Giving feedback that’s kind and clear is a much better way to go.
You are a person of great influence. If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
How can our readers further follow your work online?
The best way to keep up with what I’m offering is to sign up for my A-List at my website: www.authenticheartcoach.com It’s also fantastic to follow me on IG and YouTube @authenticheartcoaching.
Thank you so much for sharing these important insights. We wish you continued success and good health!
Angela Dawn Baccala of Authentic Heart Coaching On How To Navigate Our Complicated Modern World To… was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.