An Interview With Brooke Young & Yitzi Weiner
Developing Assertiveness Skills: Asserting one’s needs and preferences is crucial in breaking free from people-pleasing. This involves practicing clear and respectful communication, expressing boundaries, and learning to say “no” when necessary. For example, if a client struggles with saying “no” at work due to fear of disappointing their colleagues. Through coaching, I would have them practice assertiveness techniques and gradually feel empowered to set boundaries and prioritize their workload effectively without overcommitting.
In today’s society, the tendency to prioritize others’ needs and expectations over one’s own can lead to significant emotional and psychological challenges. In this series, we would like to explore the complex dynamics of people-pleasing behavior and its impact on individual well-being and relationships. We would like to discuss the root causes of people-pleasing behavior, its effects on personal and professional life, and practical steps for cultivating healthier relationships and self-esteem. We hope that this series can provide insights, strategies, and real-life experiences that can help individuals navigate and overcome the pitfalls of being a people pleaser. As part of this series, we had the pleasure of interviewing Ashlie Price.
Ashlie Price is a professional life coach and personal development expert with a background deeply rooted in the fitness industry. She has leveraged her diverse educational experiences and personal growth journey to empower others. Ashlie’s career trajectory shifted when she embarked on her life coaching journey in 2019, stemming from her own challenges and a desire to provide guided support to those seeking personal and professional transformation. Today, she is known for her impactful work in life coaching, guiding clients on their unique paths to success and fulfillment.
Thank you so much for your time! I know that you are a very busy person. Our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you tell us your “Origin Story”? Can you tell us the story of how you grew up?
Certainly, I greatly appreciate the opportunity to share my background. I was raised in St. Bernard Parish, Louisiana, just outside New Orleans. My mother immigrated from Honduras during her early years, while my father is a native of New Orleans.
My interests include a range of creative pursuits, such as art and creative writing, and enjoying outdoor activities. Growing up, I was timid and maintained a close-knit circle of friends, engaging in fewer outgoing activities. Most of my time was spent with my brothers and cousins playing outdoors.
After graduating from Chalmette High School, I began college by spending my first year living at home. I then moved to Baton Rouge to attend LSU. Eventually, my academic path took me to Texas, where I completed my undergraduate studies at The University of Texas at Tyler.
Can you tell us a bit about what you do professionally, and what brought you to this specific career path?
Absolutely, I’d be happy to share my professional journey with you. I am a Self-Love and Connection Coach with 15+ years of experience. I support my clients in enhancing relationships, deepening connections, and prioritizing self-care through mindset work, embodiment practices, and somatic techniques.
My path to this career was quite transformative. In 2014, I hit one of the lowest points in my life. I was working a low-paying job, facing challenges in my relationship, navigating the aftermath of postpartum depression, and preparing for a fitness competition. I felt utterly depleted and hopeless. Then, out of the blue, I received a phone call from an old mentor, Dr. Michael T. Howard. He shared his vision for a holistic wellness center and wanted me to be a Life Coach Provider there. Initially, I laughed, feeling unqualified for such a role, but he saw potential in me and believed I could do it. His confidence in me rekindled a long-lost sense of hope.
Tragically, just four days later, Dr. Howard passed away suddenly. Devastated, I was left with a choice: revert to my despair or rise to the potential he saw in me. I chose the latter and began my development as a coach. Fast forward to the present, I coach in the realms of weight management, psychedelic therapy, relationships, spirituality, and more.
The growth and accomplishments of my clients fuel me. Watching them meet their goals and embrace compassion and forgiveness for what has held them back is gratifying. This journey has been deeply personal and fulfilling, and it all began with a mentor who believed in me when I needed it most.
Thank you for all that. Let’s now turn to the main focus of our discussion about People Pleasing. To make sure that we are all on the same page, let’s begin with a simple definition. What does “People Pleaser” mean to you?
To me, the term “People Pleaser” refers to someone who habitually prioritizes others’ needs, desires, and feelings over their own. This behavior often stems from a deep-seated need for approval, acceptance, and validation from others, which can result in neglecting one’s well-being and self-worth.
People pleasers often struggle with setting boundaries, fearing that doing so will lead to rejection or conflict. They might say “yes” to requests and demands even when they feel overwhelmed, exhausted, or uncomfortable. Over time, this can lead to resentment, burnout, and a loss of identity as they prioritize others’ expectations over their authentic selves.
On the surface, it seems like being a person who wants to please others is a good thing. Can you help articulate a few of the challenges that come with being a people pleaser?
While aiming to please others may seem beneficial, it brings challenges: neglecting self-care, struggling to set boundaries and risking overwhelm, losing personal identity by prioritizing others’ expectations, fostering resentment from suppressing personal needs, and compromising authenticity by concealing true feelings, which can undermine genuine connections and self-worth over time.
Does being a people pleaser give you certain advantages? Can you explain?
People pleasers often excel at building strong connections due to their considerate and accommodating nature, which fosters trust and rapport. They are skilled at maintaining harmony in various settings by avoiding conflict and prioritizing peace. As team players, they contribute positively by supporting colleagues and enhancing collaboration. Their high level of empathy allows them to be attentive listeners and supportive friends, benefiting personal and professional relationships. Overall, their willingness to assist and empathetic approach typically earn a positive reputation, making them well-regarded in social and professional circles.
Can you describe a moment in your life when you realized that your own people-pleasing behavior was more harmful than helpful?
I vividly remember a time when I volunteered to take on extra projects at work, believing it would earn me recognition and appreciation. As the workload piled up, I became increasingly resentful and overwhelmed, neglecting my needs. When I missed an important event with a close friend because of work commitments, I realized how my people-pleasing behavior had impacted my personal life. Hearing the disappointment in my friend’s voice made me question whether constantly saying ‘yes’ to others was genuinely benefiting anyone, including myself. That moment prompted me to reassess my priorities and start setting boundaries to prioritize my work responsibilities and personal relationships more effectively.
In your opinion, what are the common root causes of people-pleasing behavior?
I see several common root causes of people-pleasing behavior:
1. Fear of Rejection: Many pleasers fear rejection or abandonment, prioritizing others’ needs to secure acceptance and belonging.
2. Low Self-Esteem: Individuals with low self-esteem may seek external validation to feel worthy and valued, leading them to prioritize others.
3. Childhood Conditioning: People raised in environments where they received approval and love primarily when they were compliant or helpful may continue this pattern into adulthood.
4. Desire for Approval: A strong need for approval and affirmation from others can drive people to please others at the expense of their own needs.
5. Conflict Avoidance: People pleasers often have a deep aversion to conflict and will go to great lengths to avoid disagreements and maintain harmony.
6. Perfectionism: Some people-pleasers strive for perfection and believe they must be liked by everyone to be considered “good enough.”
How does people-pleasing behavior impact personal relationships?
People-pleasing behavior can profoundly impact personal relationships by fostering resentment and burnout as individuals prioritize others’ needs at their own expense. This can create unbalanced dynamics where one person constantly gives while the other takes, leading to dependency and inequality. Moreover, hiding true feelings to avoid conflict can hinder authentic connections and growth within relationships. Over time, this pattern can erode self-worth as individuals rely on external validation, potentially compromising their ability to assert boundaries and nurture healthier, more balanced interactions.
How does people-pleasing behavior impact professional relationships?
People-pleasing behavior can significantly impact professional relationships by creating dynamics where individuals prioritize others’ approval over their professional goals and boundaries. This can lead to a tendency to overcommit or take on tasks beyond their capacity, resulting in burnout and decreased productivity. Moreover, the reluctance to assert oneself or disagree can hinder constructive feedback and innovation within teams. Over time, this behavior may diminish trust and respect among colleagues, as it can be perceived as insincerity or lack of authenticity.
How can long-term people-pleasing behavior impact an individual’s mental health?
Long-term people-pleasing behavior can have significant impacts on an individual’s mental health. Constantly prioritizing others’ needs and seeking external validation can lead to chronic stress, anxiety, and emotional exhaustion. This behavior often stems from a deep-seated fear of rejection or conflict, exacerbating feelings of inadequacy and low self-worth. Over time, individuals may experience symptoms of burnout, such as fatigue, irritability, and difficulty concentrating. Suppressing one’s needs and emotions to please others can also contribute to losing identity and a sense of disconnection from one’s true self. Addressing these tendencies involves developing self-awareness, practicing self-compassion, and setting healthy boundaries to prioritize well-being and mental health.
In your experience, what is the role of self-awareness in overcoming people-pleasing tendencies, and how can individuals cultivate it?
Self-awareness plays a crucial role, allowing individuals to recognize their patterns, triggers, and underlying motivations for seeking approval. By becoming aware of their behavior’s emotional and psychological drivers, individuals can differentiate between genuine care for others and the need for external validation. Cultivating self-awareness involves mindfulness, journaling, and self-reflection, which help individuals observe their thoughts, feelings, and actions without judgment. It also involves exploring past experiences and relationships that may have shaped people-pleasing tendencies. With increased self-awareness, individuals can gradually learn to assert their needs, set healthy boundaries, and prioritize their authentic selves in relationships and professional settings, leading to greater emotional resilience and personal fulfillment.
Here is the primary question of our discussion. Based on your experience or research, what are the “Five Strategies Or Techniques That Can Help Individuals Break Free From The Cycle Of People-Pleasing”? If you can, please share a story or an example for each.
1. Developing Assertiveness Skills: Asserting one’s needs and preferences is crucial in breaking free from people-pleasing. This involves practicing clear and respectful communication, expressing boundaries, and learning to say “no” when necessary. For example, if a client struggles with saying “no” at work due to fear of disappointing their colleagues. Through coaching, I would have them practice assertiveness techniques and gradually feel empowered to set boundaries and prioritize their workload effectively without overcommitting.
2. Setting Clear Boundaries: Establishing healthy boundaries is essential to prevent others from taking advantage and to protect one’s time and energy. This can include limiting the time or effort one invests in helping others and being firm about personal space and emotional boundaries. If someone needs to set boundaries with friends who frequently ask for favors, I would help them learn to communicate their availability and limits. This will help them maintain healthier relationships without feeling overwhelmed.
3. Practicing Self-Compassion: Developing self-compassion involves treating oneself with kindness and understanding, especially when facing inner criticism or guilt for not meeting others’ expectations. This includes acknowledging one’s own needs and emotions without judgment. Suppose a person struggles with guilt whenever they can’t meet their family’s demands. In that case, the opportunity is to learn self-compassion techniques such as positive self-talk and self-care activities, which help prioritize their well-being while maintaining caring relationships.
4. Exploring and Asserting Personal Values: Understanding and honoring personal values is crucial in breaking free from people-pleasing behaviors. This involves identifying what truly matters to oneself and making decisions aligned with those values, even if they differ from others’ expectations. If there is always the feeling of pressure to pursue a career chosen by parents, through introspection, one could get clarity on their values and make choices that align with their passions, despite any initial family resistance.
5. Seeking Support and Accountability: Building a supportive network and seeking professional guidance can provide encouragement and accountability in overcoming people-pleasing tendencies. This can include joining support groups, working with a therapist or coach, or confiding in trusted friends or mentors. Being able to openly discuss personal struggles with people pleasing and receiving validation and encouragement can lead to prioritizing one’s needs and goals.
When practiced consistently and with self-awareness, these strategies can empower individuals to break free from the people-pleasing cycle, fostering healthier relationships and greater personal fulfillment.
What steps should people pleasers take to establish healthier boundaries?
People pleasers can take several steps to establish healthier boundaries. First, they should practice self-awareness to recognize their limits and when they overextend themselves. Next, they should learn to assertively communicate their needs and preferences without guilt or fear of rejection, using clear and respectful language. They need to prioritize self-care and learn to say “no” when necessary, recognizing that setting boundaries is crucial for their well-being and relationships. Seeking support from trusted friends, mentors, or a therapist can also provide encouragement and guidance in maintaining boundaries and navigating challenging situations. Finally, they should consistently reinforce their boundaries by honoring their needs and values, fostering healthier and more balanced interactions with others.
How can someone who is naturally empathetic maintain their compassion while becoming more assertive?
Someone who is naturally empathetic can maintain their compassion while becoming more assertive by practicing empathy towards themselves and others. This involves recognizing their needs and emotions without judgment, similar to how they empathize with others. They can acknowledge that being assertive does not mean being unkind but rather advocating for themselves with respect and consideration for others’ feelings. Setting clear boundaries and asserting their needs can enhance their ability to empathize, as it promotes honest and open communication in relationships. They can also practice active listening and validating others’ perspectives while advocating for their needs. By integrating empathy into their assertiveness, they can constructively navigate conflicts and maintain genuine connections with others.
What are the most common misconceptions about people pleasers, and how do these misconceptions affect their journey toward recovery?
One common misconception about people pleasers is that they are always selfless and happy to help others. This belief can overlook the internal struggles and emotional toll of prioritizing others’ needs over their own. Another misconception is that people pleasers are weak or unable to assert themselves when they often struggle with deep-seated fears of rejection or conflict.
These misconceptions can hinder their recovery by reinforcing self-criticism and guilt for asserting boundaries or prioritizing self-care. Recognizing and addressing these misconceptions is essential in empowering people pleasers to embrace self-compassion, assertiveness, and authentic self-expression toward emotional well-being and fulfillment.
What role can therapy or counseling play in helping individuals overcome people-pleasing behavior?
Therapy or counseling can play a crucial role in helping individuals overcome people-pleasing behavior by providing a supportive and non-judgmental space to explore underlying beliefs, emotions, and patterns contributing to their tendencies. A therapist can help individuals develop self-awareness to identify triggers and motivations behind their people-pleasing behavior, as well as to recognize the negative impact it may have on their mental health and relationships.
Therapeutic techniques such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can assist in challenging and reframing unhelpful thought patterns, while interpersonal therapy (IPT) can focus on improving communication skills and assertiveness. Through therapy, individuals can learn healthy coping strategies, practice setting and maintaining boundaries, and build self-esteem and self-compassion, ultimately empowering them to cultivate more balanced and fulfilling personal and professional relationships.
You are a person of great influence. If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
I would spearhead a self-love movement focused on “Authentic Acceptance.” This initiative aims to inspire individuals to wholeheartedly embrace and celebrate their authentic selves, fostering a culture of acceptance and self-love. Central to this movement is encouraging unfiltered self-expression, where people can celebrate diverse identities and personal styles without conforming to societal expectations.
Additionally, promoting open discussions about personal experiences and vulnerabilities would create a supportive community where individuals connect through shared stories of growth and self-discovery. Mindful self-compassion practices, inclusive well-being approaches, and empowering education would be integral components, emphasizing that self-love encompasses mental, emotional, and spiritual aspects. Through this movement, I envision a world where individuals feel empowered to be their authentic selves, fostering a compassionate and inclusive society.
How can our readers further follow your work online?
Of course! I would love to connect with anyone who is open. You can meet with me via zant for limited sliding scale sessions.
Here are my social handles below:
IG: @theashlieprice
FB: www.facebook.com/ashlieprice1111
TikTok: @theashlie.price
Thank you so much for sharing these important insights. We wish you continued success and good health!
About the Interviewers:
Brooke Young is a multipassionate publicist, public speaking mentor, and communication consulting. She works with a wide range of clients across the globe, and across a diverse range of industries, to help them create, develop, and promote powerful messages through heart-centered storytelling. She has formerly worked On-Air with FOX Sports, competed in the Miss America Organization, and is the Author of a Children’s Book. She frequently works with children as a professional speaker where she educates on Volunteering and Therapy Dogs. She has over a decade of professional performing background and finds joy in sparking creative passions for her clients.
Yitzi Weiner is a journalist, author, and the founder of Authority Magazine, one of Medium’s largest publications. Authority Magazine is devoted to sharing in depth “thought leadership interview series” featuring people who are authorities in Business, Tech, Entertainment, Wellness, and Social Impact.
At Authority Magazine, Yitzi has conducted or coordinated thousands of empowering interviews with prominent Authorities like Shaquille O’Neal, Peyton Manning, Floyd Mayweather, Paris Hilton, Baron Davis, Jewel, Flo Rida, Kelly Rowland, Kerry Washington, Bobbi Brown, Daymond John, Seth Godin, Guy Kawasaki, Lori Greiner, Robert Herjavec, Alicia Silverstone, Lindsay Lohan, Cal Ripkin Jr., David Wells, Jillian Michaels, Jenny Craig, John Sculley, Matt Sorum, Derek Hough, Mika Brzezinski, Blac Chyna, Perez Hilton, Joseph Abboud, Rachel Hollis, Daniel Pink, and Kevin Harrington
Yitzi is also the CEO of Authority Magazine’s Thought Leader Incubator which helps business leaders to become known as an authority in their field, by interviewing prominent CEOs, writing a daily syndicated column, writing a book, booking high level leaders on their podcast, and attending exclusive events.
Ashlie Price of zant On How to Recover From Being a People Pleaser was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.