Cultivate Relationships that Embrace Your Sensitivities: Building genuine connections with others who embrace and support your needs without judgment or condescension is vital. Communicate openly about your experiences, such as needing to leave the room to recharge or taking a time-out. Being transparent helps you feel less alone and ensures others don’t take it personally. Thriving in relationships where you feel seen, heard, and valued for being yourself — including both your gifts and vulnerabilities — is essential for HSPs.
As a part of our series about How To Survive And Thrive As A Highly Sensitive Person, I had the pleasure of interviewing Dalia Kenig.
Dalia Kenig, M.A., is a distinguished licensed psychotherapist with over 25 years of experience specializing in holistic mental health care. Dalia is deeply committed to helping people thrive, skillfully addressing conditions such as stress, anxiety, depression, trauma, postpartum issues, relationship challenges, and chronic health conditions. She works with patients both in-person, at her holistic psychotherapy practice in Encino, as well as worldwide via virtual therapy.
Thank you so much for doing this with us! Can you tell our readers a little bit about yourself and what you do professionally?
I am a licensed psychotherapist with a deep passion and interest in holistic mental health, beyond symptoms and labels. Years ago, I realized that true healing and recovery require identifying and addressing the root causes of issues. To resolve anxiety, depression, emotional reactivity, and even physical symptoms we must look beyond just symptom management. Symptoms are the way the body/mind system tries to tell us that we are out of balance and call our attention. I witness in my work, every day, that once we treat the core issues, symptoms fade away on their own. Our body and mind have tremendous self-healing capacities, but we have to actively help ourselves heal. This philosophy shapes my work. Instead of engaging patients in just talk therapy, I focus on identifying patterns and blocks that keep you feeling unwell and taking proactive steps to help you recover.
As a holistic psychotherapist, what I do goes beyond talk therapy. I integrate holistic methods like muscle testing biofeedback, energy therapy, somatic therapy, and healing affirmations. It helps identify and clear blocks on a deeper level and restore balance much faster and more comprehensively..
Thank you for your bravery and strength in being so open with us. I understand how hard this is.
Can you help define for our readers what is meant by a Highly Sensitive Person? Does it simply mean that feelings are easily hurt or offended?
Not exactly. It’s a common misconception that a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) simply means someone whose feelings are easily hurt or offended. The term “Highly Sensitive Person” was coined by psychologist Elaine Aron, who discovered through her research that about 10%-15% of the population exhibit high levels of sensory processing sensitivity, which can create unique challenges that are often misunderstood.
HSPs are more sensitive to stimuli in their environment. This can include lights, noise, colors, temperature changes, as well as emotions, moods, energy, pain, and body sensations. They experience feelings more deeply and intensely, whether those feelings are of hurt or joy. This means they have to navigate the world with an acute awareness of their sensitivities and develop ways to protect themselves from overload and excessive stress, anxiety, and reactivity.
Moreover, HSPs possess a unique form of intelligence due to their heightened sensitivity. They are often highly intuitive and able to sense subtleties that others might miss. Their capacity for deep thinking and feeling allows them to be creative and innovative. This heightened empathy and hyper-awareness can be advantageous, provided they learn to manage their sensitivities effectively, keeping themselves grounded and regulated.
Does a Highly Sensitive Person have a higher degree of empathy towards others? Is a Highly Sensitive Person offended by hurtful remarks made about other people?
HSPs are highly attuned to the emotions and energies of others, absorbing them like a sponge. This heightened sensitivity can affect them deeply. Such a quality qualifies a person as an empath. Empaths take on the emotions of others easily and frequently struggle to set boundaries between themselves and those around them. When they sense someone’s hurt, it can impact them profoundly. HSPs have a difficult time ”stomaching” violence, cruelty, and injustice for this reason.
Does a Highly Sensitive Person have greater difficulty with certain parts of popular culture, entertainment, or news, that depict emotional or physical pain? Can you explain or give a story?
For sure. The entertainment world and social media offer a nonstop stream of information and sensory input that can be overwhelming, especially HSPs. Platforms like Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and TikTok constantly refresh with images, texts, and videos, many of which are stressful and intense, affecting HSPs deeply. Additionally, concerts, movie theaters, and large gatherings can be overstimulating for HSPs. This overstimulation can trigger anxiety, panic attacks, physical and mental exhaustion, sensory and emotional dysregulation, and even shutdown if the exposure is too much or prolonged.
One HSP I worked with described the stress of attending concerts or events in detail. Certain frequencies and volumes can be distressing, and bright or flashing lights can cause him disorientation, Someone wearing a heavy perfume in the crowd can trigger brain fog and distress. These sensitivities would make him feel on edge and anxious, the unpredictable stimuli that might trigger brain fog, anxiety, and intolerable stress. He felt embarrassed and guilty about needing to repeatedly leave an event early to get relief. He sought to learn coping strategies for his hypersensitivity so he could function normally and navigate in a world that can be challenging for his nervous system.
Can you please share a story about how your highly sensitive nature created problems at work or socially?
Having a highly sensitive nature doesn’t have to create problems when you recognize and embrace your needs. I intuitively found myself drawn to an environment where I can feel well and thrive, whether at work or socially. I naturally gravitate towards a workplace that is quiet and peaceful with mostly one-on-one interactions, which doesn’t overstimulate me.
Working as a therapist suits my high sensitivity perfectly. In contrast, working in a large, noisy office with constant interactions would likely cause me significant distress and unhappiness.
Attending a party or social gathering could’ve been problematic if I hadn’t know how to balance social interactions with alone time. By stepping aside to a quieter space occasionally or leaving the event early, I can reset my nervous system and maintain a sense of calm, while I still enjoy socializing.
When did you suspect that your level of sensitivity was above the societal norm? How did you come to see yourself as “too sensitive”?
As a child, strong smells, certain textures, bright lights, and loud noises would often overstimulate me, triggering nausea, brain fog, and stress while others around me seemed unaffected. I recognized early on that I was highly reactive to environmental stimuli.
As an adult, I also began to notice my ability to intuitively sense very subtle cues in people and situations. I often experienced strong, unignorable gut feelings about people and situations. Learning about the traits of HSP helped me understand that my nervous system is wired to sense and react to these subtle environmental and emotional cues. I see myself as hyper-sensitive, rather than too sensitive — which would imply that my sensitivity level doesn’t meet “normal” standards”.
I’m sure that being Highly Sensitive also gives you certain advantages. Can you tell us a few advantages that Highly Sensitive people have?
People with high sensitivity can easily tap into their inner world for ideas, harnessing their imagination and ability to think and feel deeply. Their sensitivity to the needs of others helps them be creative and innovative in their endeavors.
HSPs also have an advantage when it comes to intuition. They tend to have strong gut feelings about things. Their hypersensitive sensory and emotional abilities enable them to perceive subtle information that might not be obvious to others, allowing them to make good decisions intuitively.
Can you share a story from your own life where your great sensitivity was an advantage?
My high sensitivity is advantageous in my work as a therapist. I find it easy to connect with people with great empathy. I can absorb the experience a person shares within me deeply and feel it within myself. I can describe their emotional experience in ways that are highly-attuned with my clients’ experience.
My sensory intelligence is so helpful for me in problem-solving for myself and others. I sense and notice details and information. In therapy, it is especially helpful as I notice body language, small changes in behavior, and even energetic shifts. I feel blessed to use the high sensitivity trait to understand and help people.
There seems to be no harm in being overly empathetic. What’s the line drawn between being empathetic and being Highly Sensitive?
In my opinion, too much of anything is not good. Empathy is a wonderful quality that allows us to connect deeply with others and understand their feelings. However, we also need personal boundaries to protect our feelings, needs, and balance. HSPs tend to sense and absorb other people’s energy and emotions deeply. Without consciously setting emotional boundaries, HSPs can easily become drained, exhausted, and stressed.
Social Media can often be casually callous. How does Social Media affect a Highly Sensitive Person? How can a Highly Sensitive Person utilize the benefits of social media without being pulled down by it?
Social media is known to contribute to sensory and emotional overload, but it is not necessarily all bad. I believe that HSPs can benefit from using social media by finding what works for them and avoiding what doesn’t. It provides a great platform to connect with people from all over the world without leaving your home. You can go offline when you need to , and choose sites that suit your sensitivities.
The challenge with social media is that algorithms are designed to keep you engaged, often showing content that isn’t always beneficial. HSPs need to be aware of their triggers, filter who and what they follow, set guidelines for how much they use social media, and turn it off whenever they feel it triggers stress and overwhelm.
How would you respond if something you hear or see bothers or affects you, but others comment that you are being petty or that it is minor?
Every person has unique needs and thresholds for different things. I believe in owning my experience unapologetically. If something affects my body, mind, or emotions negatively, I will do whatever it takes to make myself comfortable. This may include saying no to certain things, even if it means letting other people down. Ultimately, I have to make sure I’m not relying on others for validation.
HSPs can struggle with feeling “different” and may have self-esteem issues because they try to fit in or hide their sensitivities and depth of emotions. Let’s embrace these traits as a beautiful part of who we are. Living authentically feels freeing. As Oscan Wilde said, “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
What strategies do you use to overcome the perception that others may have of you as overly sensitive without changing your caring and empathetic nature?
I don’t perceive being overly sensitive as something I have to overcome. I appreciate the strengths and abilities that come with being an HSP, such as strong intuition, deep empathy, and creativity. I believe my life is richer because of it. In situations that are overstimulating, I have learned the importance of taking care of myself without being too concerned about what others might think.
What are the “myths” that you would like to dispel about being a Highly Sensitive Person? Can you explain what you mean?
There are quite a few myths about HSPs. First, it’s important to clarify that being an HSP is not a mental health condition but rather a genetically based trait involving a highly sensitive nervous system. This trait can have profound effects on personal mental health, relationships, and physical reactivity to both environmental and internal stimuli, especially if dismissed. However, it’s equally important to highlight that HSPs possess unique strengths and “hidden powers.”
HSPs exhibit high levels of intuition, sensing things based on subtle cues that others might not even notice. They can read people and situations using their unique sensory intelligence. This deep empathy allows HSPs to connect profoundly with others, and their deeply felt experiences often manifest in remarkable creativity and deep thinking in their areas of interest, which is a gift.
Another common myth is that HSPs can choose to be less sensitive. This is untrue because their nervous system and sensory reactivity are inherently hyper-sensitive. This myth often leads to criticism of HSPs as being “too sensitive.” HSPs can learn ways to process stimuli and information with less stress and overwhelm, improving their functioning in various situations.
Lastly, HSPs are often mistakenly viewed as shy and, introverted,. This stereotype does not accurately reflect the diversity and complexity of HSPs. There are extroverted HSPs who get great fulfillment from engaging with the external world and others who don’t as much. Still, since the HSP nervous system is hyper-sensitive, they should be aware of their energetic boundaries to protect themselves from stress triggers.
As you know, one of the challenges of being a Highly Sensitive Person is the harmful, dismissive sentiment of “Why can’t you just stop being so sensitive?” What must be done to make it apparent that it just doesn’t work that way?
Inviting loved ones and friends to learn more about HSPs is a great way to start changing misconceptions on this topic. Dr. Elaine Aron has published numerous books and articles on HSPs. Reading about her findings can help people gain a more informed perspective on the HSP experience.
Relying on external validation keeps us dependent on others for approval and acceptance. As we grow and heal, we must learn how to stop letting other people define ourselves. Self-validation is the path to self-empowerment and accepting ourselves unapologetically. We need to accept ourselves before others can truly accept us. For HSPs, this self-acceptance allows us to share our experiences with confidence and self-respect, which can, in turn, open people’s minds and hearts.
Can you share with us your “5 Things You Need To Know To Survive And Thrive As A Highly Sensitive Person?
- Recognize Your Sensitivities: As a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), understanding the optimal conditions for your nervous system is crucial for your well-being. Listen to your body and recognize stress signals triggered by overstimulation or overload. Knowing your nervous system thresholds in different situations can help you navigate the world more comfortably without being overwhelmed by adverse emotional and physical stress reactions. Many HSPs may deny their sensitivity, wanting to feel like others and feeling tired of missing out due to their symptoms. However, ignoring your sensitivity can lead to overwhelm, intense emotions, fatigue, pain, irritability, embarrassment, guilt, and a sense of failure despite your efforts. Repeated crashes, shutdowns, and burnout can worsen your condition, potentially leading to chronic anxiety, depression, and other health issues.
- Choose Suitable Work, Living Spaces, and Lifestyle: HSPs are diverse, with some being more extroverted and others more introverted. Choosing a lifestyle that accommodates your sensitivities is essential for your overall well-being. HSPs thrive in peaceful environments with low stimulation. Factors like noise, bright lights, busy decor, and constant interactions can be triggering. HSPs should have a quiet place to retreat to when stressed, whether at home, work, or outdoors, to calm the nervous system and reset.
- Learn to Regulate Your Nervous System: The HSP nervous system can become frazzled and stressed due to hypersensitivity, leading to overload and triggering stress, anxiety, and various symptoms. Holistic tools can help regulate the nervous system, promoting balance and grounding. Practices like conscious slow breathing with slightly longer exhalations, guided meditation, and energetic tapping for anxiety and stress are effective. Using soothing essential oils, taking warm baths, listening to relaxing music, and spending time in nature are also beneficial for balancing the nervous system, body, and brain.
- Set Boundaries: Healthy boundaries are crucial for HSPs to protect against harm, overstimulation, stress, and anxiety. Boundaries act as a filter, allowing in what you can cope with and keeping out what is too much. HSPs need to learn to say “no” to triggers without feeling guilty or embarrassed. Making conscious choices about the people, activities, and environments you engage in is essential. HSPs may have different needs for intimacy and personal space. Recognizing these needs allows HSPs to be more accepting of themselves and transparent with their partners and significant relationships.
- Cultivate Relationships that Embrace Your Sensitivities: Building genuine connections with others who embrace and support your needs without judgment or condescension is vital. Communicate openly about your experiences, such as needing to leave the room to recharge or taking a time-out. Being transparent helps you feel less alone and ensures others don’t take it personally. Thriving in relationships where you feel seen, heard, and valued for being yourself — including both your gifts and vulnerabilities — is essential for HSPs.
You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good for the greatest number of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger.
What comes to my mind is a pay-it-forward concept. What I mean by that is cultivating communities and businesses to promote doing small acts of kindness regularly. These acts may seem small, yet when passed forward they creates a chain reaction of kindness and positivity that can expand infinitely everywhere.
Random acts of kindness were scientifically proven to boost the mental and emotional well-being of the giver as well as the receiver. It is an uplifting experience that helps people from all walks of life feel more connected and cared for in a world that sometimes can feel harsh and disconnected.
How can our readers follow you online? Readers can go to my blog for more detailed information on specific topics and eye-openers on the possibilities of healing.
Thank you for these fantastic insights. We greatly appreciate the time you spent on this.
Dalia Kenig On How To Survive And Thrive As A Highly Sensitive Person was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.