Be yourself. The only way to find true love is by openly exposing who you are. Showing your real smile and also what makes you sad. Everything counts. Unless you can be open to others about who you are, you will never be able to find someone you truly connect with.
In today’s fast-paced and interconnected world, finding and maintaining meaningful romantic relationships can be a daunting task. From navigating dating apps to managing expectations in a digital age, there are numerous challenges individuals face in their quest for love. Through this series, we would like to explore the complexities of modern dating and relationships, offering insights, advice, and strategies for navigating the often confusing landscape of love in the 21st century. In this series, we are talking to experts in psychology, relationship coaching, sociology, matchmaking, and individuals with personal experiences navigating the modern dating scene, to share their knowledge, perspectives, and stories. As part of this series, we had the pleasure of interviewing Ivan Gadeschi.
After getting a marketing degree in Spain, Ivan Gadeschi moved to the UK and entered the world of start-ups by joining a young social network called Badoo. Little did he know it would be his career-making role, giving him the opportunity to shape and innovate the dating industry by helping turn Badoo into a dating behemoth. Ivan’s a key figure in pioneering the freemium model that is widely used across dating platforms nowadays.
He has been an advisor to many start-ups and a key product person for three start-up exits, including an acquisition by Indeed.
Thank you so much for your time! I know that you are a very busy person. Our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you tell us your “Origin Story”? Can you tell us the story of how you grew up?
I grew up in the south of Spain and spent my childhood sailing for the regional team. I probably didn’t realise at that time but that sport gave me a foundation of discipline and grit that I’ve been using a lot in my career.
Can you tell us a bit about what you do professionally, and what brought you to this specific career path?
To put it shortly, I create mobile app products that people use in their day to day. I’ve been doing dating product innovation, but also lifestyle and recruitment apps.
You are a successful leader. Which three character traits do you think were most instrumental to your success? Can you please share a story or example for each?
Hussle — there’s no job too big or too small and you cannot lead if you don’t get your finger in every pie. This was a lesson I learnt very early in my career and it’s been part of my approach ever since.
Be direct — there’s so much sugar coating involved in business and in my opinion it’s detrimental. I appreciate honesty and directness and I’ve always spoken my mind. It saves so much time for everyone and ultimately leads to better growth.
Don’t micromanage — if you don’t trust someone to do something then don’t hire them. I hate seeing managers get so involved with their team, to the point where people don’t even bother to make an effort anymore because the manager will always think they can do better themselves.
Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you think that will help people?
I have just launched Loyal, a dating app for millennials searching for serious relationships. I’ve noticed that a lot of my friends are still trying (and struggling) to find “the one”, mostly because online dating is no longer built for the older millennials who are done with casual dating.
For the benefit of our readers, can you briefly tell our readers why you are an authority on the topic of dating and finding love?
I started my career in the early days of the dating industry as a product person at Badoo and that was the opportunity of a lifetime. We’ve created products that reached every corner of the world and connected people like never before. I am now back in that industry with my own app and I’m learning a lot of new things about dating thanks to the Loyal community.
Ok. Thank you for that. Let’s now shift to the main part of our discussion about ‘How To Navigate Our Complicated Modern World To Find Love’. Based on your experience, what is a common root cause of the “inability to find love”?
There are many obstacles with finding love in today’s world but I think it mostly narrows down to mainstream dating apps. People these days are inclined to use the most popular dating app out there instead of focusing on their own goals and what they want to achieve. Most mainstream dating apps aren’t really built to find love. Their aim is to keep you hooked to the app for as long as possible and therefore prioritise casual dating. This leads to disappointment and demotivation of many users when trying to find love.
What are some common misconceptions or myths about finding love in the modern world, and how can they be debunked?
Well, specifically to my field, I believe a lot of people now think that online dating is just for hook-ups. I understand why they think this but I don’t agree because I’ve seen hundreds of thousands of people find their happiness online. I think it’s important that people realise there are products in online dating that can help them achieve anything, from those focused on casual meet-ups to those longing for wedding bells.
What advice do you have for individuals who feel overwhelmed or disillusioned by the challenges of modern dating, and how can they maintain hope and optimism in their search for love?
I think honesty and loyalty are very important, and you need both in place for a healthy relationship. I understand it can get too much sometimes but don’t let others influence who you are and what you stand for. Know what type of relationship you are after and make sure the service you decide to use is going to help you achieve your goal. Mostly, if you are looking for lasting love, avoid apps where casual dating is promoted actively.
Let’s explore how the rise of social media and dating apps has impacted the way individuals approach and experience dating and relationships. Can you share a few dos and don’ts about how to use social media to find love?
A lot of people are part of online communities and that’s probably a first step to finding people who share the same interests. It’s not just going on forums or Facebook groups, today you can just find common interests by following certain hashtags and discovering people like that. Don’t slide into everyone’s DMs though, it’s super spammy and the algorithms catch on to that quickly.
Can you share a few dos and don’ts about how to use dating apps to find love?
Do it right from the get go. If you don’t want flings, don’t go to places where that’s the common theme. First find the right place for you and your intentions.
Safety is important. Never give out sensitive information in online (or even offline) conversations.
Be genuine. I cannot stress it enough. We’ve gone a bit too far with embellishing online personas and I personally don’t think that helps on online dating at all. Be yourself, be honest and attract those who like you for who you are in real life.
Don’t play around. Technology has made it so easy to communicate and we’ve taken this to the extreme of being somewhat unable to pay attention to only one person at a time. You’ll never find love if you jump from chat to chat.
Don’t waste time and don’t create false expectations. It is important to remain true to the relationship. If things are not working out, it is better to be open about it and move on.
Can you share a few dos and don’ts about looking for romance in real-life physical spaces like congregations, bars, markets, and conventions?
Unfortunately, technology has taken over and these days it has become rare to approach someone in real life, even a bit awkward. I would say don’t randomly approach someone you know nothing about. That said, I still believe in real life genuine connections. These do still happen in places where people meet up because of a shared hobby or interest, like a running club or a painting studio. Ultimately, common interests will always bring people together.
What are your thoughts about the challenges and opportunities that come with workplace romances?
Never say never. It’s not easy being the subject of office gossip but if you both know it’s more than a fling then you’ve got nothing to worry about and really shouldn’t pay attention to other people. You do have to take into account what dating someone from work involves, from seeing that person every single day (more so, if things don’t work out) to having to maintain a professional relationship and everything that entails. You might disagree on work stuff, which can affect things outside of work or have a hiccup at home that might make the mood at the office pretty awkward. Tip: If you date at work, use WhatsApp, never your work Slack for personal conversations!
Can you discuss the role of vulnerability and authenticity in forming meaningful connections and finding lasting love?
If you don’t feel vulnerable in a relationship then maybe you’re taking things for granted. Vulnerability can bring out the best in us and it’s important we show it early on. There are so many filters and obstacles that can completely change the essence of a person, especially in the online world, that it’s enormously important to be yourself, truthful and authentic from the get go. If people don’t like that then there’s no point to pretend you’re something else, that will just hurt you more down the line.
Based on your experience or research, what are the “Five Things You Need To Navigate Our Complicated Modern World To Find Love”? If you can, please share a story or an example for each.
1 . Be yourself. The only way to find true love is by openly exposing who you are. Showing your real smile and also what makes you sad. Everything counts. Unless you can be open to others about who you are, you will never be able to find someone you truly connect with.
2 . Be proactive. Love doesn’t just show up. You need to make sure you are making the most to find it. Be open to meeting new people, join new activities, pursue old hobbies, share moments with your friends, etc. In order words, put yourself out there!
3 . Be patient. One conversation isn’t enough to find your soulmate. Make sure you keep trying to learn more about that person and create a more solid relationship.
4 . Don’t be afraid of moving things forward. A good relationship is always meant to grow stronger. You can’t let your fears stall the relationship. It’s ok to take steps slower than others but you still need to take them.
5 . Be loyal. A relationship is based on trust. You always have to make sure you can trust the other person and the other person can trust you. If you feel the relationship isn’t going anywhere, it is always better to end it rather than to start playing around.
Do you have any favorite books, podcasts, or resources related to this topic that you would recommend to our readers?
I personally enjoy looking at historical data and how trends change over time. If you google “love statistics” you’ll come across a lot of interesting facts about human bonds and how “love” changes from generation to generation.
You are a person of great influence. If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
I’m not sure what I would start from scratch but I am a true believer of paying it forward. Creating a massive web of kind acts is definitely something the world needs.
How can our readers further follow your work online?
They can check out our app (www.loyal.day) and contact me if they ever have questions or feedback.
Thank you so much for sharing these important insights. We wish you continued success and good health!
Ivan Gadeschi of Loyal On How To Navigate Our Complicated Modern World To Find Love was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.