Kate Ringwood of Serendipity Counseling Services On How To Support A Loved One Who Is Struggling With An Eating Disorder
Empathy. There is so much shame associated with an eating disorder. If our loved one knows they can come to us and we will empathetically be there to support them, they will feel more comfortable opening up and talking about it. When we talk about the things we feel shame around, we reduce the shame.
Eating disorders are complex mental health conditions that affect millions worldwide, transcending age, gender, and cultural boundaries. They are not simply about food but involve a range of psychological, physical, and social issues. Supporting a loved one through this struggle can be challenging, requiring understanding, patience, and knowledge of the right approaches to truly make a difference.
In this series, we aim to shed light on the most effective ways to offer support, understanding, and hope to those battling an eating disorder. We are talking to psychologists, nutritionists, doctors, therapists, and survivors, who can provide valuable perspectives on nurturing recovery, fostering resilience, and promoting healthy relationships with food and body image. As a part of this series, we had the pleasure of interviewing Kate Ringwood, LPC.
Kate Ringwood is a licensed professional counselor who specializes in eating disorders and body image in sports. She is the owner of Serendipity Counseling Services (www.serendipitycounseling.com) and sees clients virtually in New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Maryland, and Florida. Kate helps folks 16 and up to improve their relationship to food, body, and exercise.
Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series. Before we dive into our discussion, our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you share with us the backstory about what brought you to your specific career path?
I started working in eating disorders after my own experience with an eating disorder in high school and college. My recovery through learning to enjoy food and my sport really led my passion in helping others.
Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?
“Let there be room left in your heart for the unimaginable. Serendipity has a way of showing itself just when you feel like giving up.” — When I found the word serendipity, it felt like it fit so much of my life, including my recovery. It took something really hard (the eating disorder) for me to become the person I am today and I would never take it back. That is why I picked Serendipity to be the name of my practice.
Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you think that will help people?
I am! This summer a local registered dietitian and I will be putting together a support group for athletes struggling with eating disorders! I am very excited to see how this will bring the local community together because eating disorders often make folks feel extremely alone.
According to this study cited by the National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders, at least 30 million people in the U.S. of all ages and genders suffer from an eating disorder. Can you suggest 3–5 reasons why this has become such a critical issue recently?
- Diet culture in our society. Diet culture is when weight, size, and shape is emphasized over someone’s overall well-being. There is a thin ideal in society, creating a lot of weight-based victimization. This has been linked to eating disorders.
- The pandemic definitely increased the number of adolescents struggling with eating disorders. The isolation, combined with a lack of structure and schedule, being home without social supports, being forced to stop team sports, and any structured activities, I believe were big influences. As an eating disorder therapist, I saw the influx in those reaching out jump very high over those years. It is not that stopping a sport or a change in schedule causes an eating disorder. It is when someone already has qualities such as perfectionism, achievement oriented, sensitive to consequences, anxiety, or depression that they are more susceptible to an eating disorder. So when these changes hit, it was the tipping point. I call it the perfect storm.
- That brings me to perfectionism. Things have become very competitive. I see many folks through the transition from high school to college and this has shown to become a time of a LOT of pressure. The competitiveness in college puts a lot of pressure on kids. The pressure to be the best, whether it is at a sport or in the classroom is tough. Especially with the increase in school prices and pressure for scholarships. Perfectionism is not just at school though, it is also in social environments. So many of the folks I work with struggle with anxiety in social situations.
- Living in this world is simply easier in a smaller body. As a thin- white female, I have privilege. This is something that I think is very important to acknowledge with the folks I work with because not everyone has this privilege. Airplanes, rollercoasters, waiting room seats, stools, restaurants, kayaks, gyms, clothing… the list can go on for the things that so many of my clients are terrified to use because of the fear of it not being made for their body size. The pressure to literally fit into this world is high and leads to a lot of shame. This shame often leads to further eating disorder behaviors.
Based on your insight, what can concrete steps can a) individuals, b) corporations, c) communities and d) leaders do to address the core issues that are leading to this problem?
Individuals — Stop the weight-based victimization. Stop the shaming. Be curious, open-minded, and kind. Avoid using numbers, talking calories, weights, or labeling foods as good and bad.
Corporations — Do not charge for an extra seat on a plan or a seat belt extender. Make rollercoasters for larger bodies so that parents can go on rides with their kids. Invest in making larger sizes if you are a clothing company. Have models of all sizes advertising for your company. Stop shaming for wanting the cookies with your sandwich or the soft drink with your burger. Stop labeling foods as healthy.
Communities — Bring in seats that fit all bodies sizes. Be aware of the difficulties in your space of someone in a larger body. Inclusion for everyone of all genders, identifies, cultures, and body sizes. Make sporting events and activities more welcoming for those of every body size and ability.
Leaders — Teach. Teach our kids about emotions and empathy. Teach them that all bodies are good bodies and that judging people off their body size is not okay. Pass laws that make charger folks more for needing more room, illegal. Make inclusion regulations for clothing companies, gyms, restaurants, and waiting rooms.
As you know, one of the challenges of an eating disorder is the harmful, and dismissive sentiment of “why can’t you just control yourself”. What do you think needs to be done to make it apparent that an eating disorder is an illness just like heart disease or schizophrenia?
I believe that there needs to be more education around eating disorders. This is why I have made it part of my mission to spread the word. I have gone to colleges, spoken to sports teams, and local running stores to share my knowledge and expertise in order to increase the conversation. Eating disorders are more common than folks believe, so we need to increase the conversation.
Here is the main question of our interview. Can you please share with our readers 5 ways to support a loved one who is struggling with an eating disorder? If you can, can you share an example from your own experience?
1 . Empathy. There is so much shame associated with an eating disorder. If our loved one knows they can come to us and we will empathetically be there to support them, they will feel more comfortable opening up and talking about it. When we talk about the things we feel shame around, we reduce the shame.
2 . Educate yourself. Read books, listen to podcasts, or follow positive eating disorder supports on social media. Learn what eating disorders are about because that will help you understand what they are going through, making it easier to provide empathy and support.
3 . Be an example. Show them what it is like to have a healthy relationship with food. So many of my clients turn towards friends or family members that they know will eat any food for support. When a mom says she will eat the ice cream with her child, the ice cream gets eaten. When the friend asks to eat a snack, the snack gets eaten. Showing someone that having a healthy relationship with food is okay goes a long way.
4 . Be patient. It can take a while for someone to realize they need help. Being there consistently throughout that process will show that you are there for the whole ride, no matter what. When they are ready, they will then come to you for support.
5 . Encourage professional help. As much as you want to be the one to help your loved one, you can only do so much. Offer to help find a therapist, registered dietitian, and/or doctor that specializes in eating disorders.
How do you navigate the balance between offering support and respecting the autonomy of a loved one with an eating disorder?
Patience and empathy. This is a really difficult part of supporting a loved one. They most likely will not be ready for help at the same rate you would like them to get help. We cannot make someone get help. However, we can be there to listen non-judgmentally.
Is there a message you would like to tell someone who may be reading this, who is currently struggling with an eating disorder?
It is okay to get help. You do not need to do this alone. So many people struggle with this, yet feel so isolated. There are people in your life that will understand how you are hurting and professionals that specialize in this, most of whom have struggled with their own relationship with food. You are not alone.
In your experience, what are the most effective strategies for building resilience and a positive self-image in individuals recovering from an eating disorder?
There are many different things that can help build resilience and positive self-image. First being, identifying their top values. Many folks that come to see me feel very lost and unsure of who they are outside of their eating disorder. Helping them identify their top values allows them to see who they are and provides them with direction on how to navigate the world. The second is seeing their own worth. Shame drives someone to feel unworthy. When you reduce shame and start focusing on being worthy of love, respect, friendships, and food, you start seeing your self-image in a whole different light. The third is learning self compassion. So many folks spend so much of their time down a spiral of self judgement and shame. When we learn how to offer ourselves compassion, we learn to forgiveness and acceptance.
What are your favorite books, podcasts, or resources that have helped people with this struggle? Can you explain why you like them?
Intuitive Eating by Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch — This book helps you get in touch with our body’s own signals and breaks down diet culture mentality.
Anti-Diet by Christy Harrison — This book does an amazing job and breaking down diet culture in our society and guiding folks towards having a healthy relationship with food.
Maintenance Phase Podcast — This breaks down myths within our society and has a humorous but empowering tone.
The Appetite Podcast — An amazing podcast for athletes struggling with eating disorders that helps guide folks through self compassion.
You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the largest amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
I would live out the Health At Every Size(HAES) movement and make it more known. There is not enough information about HAES and too many health care workers work from a health-centric lens. This leaves those in larger bodies scared to go to the doctor, in fear of weight discrimination.
How can our readers continue to follow your work online?
They can check out my blog at www.serendipitycounseling.com or on instagram @serendipity.counseling
Thank you so much for these insights! This was so inspiring!
Kate Ringwood of Serendipity Counseling Services On How To Support A Loved One Who Is Struggling… was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.