Martha Magrina of AuthenticallYOU On How To Support A Loved One Who Is Struggling With An Eating Disorder
This is not about you. Refrain from sharing your own judgements and opinions. Do not take their responses personally. Always fight for them, be their advocate and biggest supporter.
Eating disorders are complex mental health conditions that affect millions worldwide, transcending age, gender, and cultural boundaries. They are not simply about food but involve a range of psychological, physical, and social issues. Supporting a loved one through this struggle can be challenging, requiring understanding, patience, and knowledge of the right approaches to truly make a difference.
In this series, we aim to shed light on the most effective ways to offer support, understanding, and hope to those battling an eating disorder. We are talking to psychologists, nutritionists, doctors, therapists, and survivors, who can provide valuable perspectives on nurturing recovery, fostering resilience, and promoting healthy relationships with food and body image. As a part of this series, we had the pleasure of interviewing Martha Magrina.
Martha Magrina is a Certified Professional Coach, Image Consultant, Master Energy Leadership Practitioner, and COR.E leadership coach. She is the founder of AuthenticallYOU, where she helps empower women to embrace their beauty and confidence by working through body image insecurity and making strategic choices in clothing, fabrics, and colors.
Martha spent 18 years in Human Resources at top Fashion and Beauty Companies, including Ralph Lauren, Estee Lauder, and Dolce & Gabbana. She is a health and wellness advocate, Vedic meditation practitioner, and committed to helping women connect with their authenticity and personal values to live the life they really want.
Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series. Before we dive into our discussion, our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you share with us the backstory about what brought you to your specific career path?
I graduated with a degree in Fashion Merchandising, and fell in to HR completely by accident after taking a freelancing role in Merchandising at J.Crew. I quickly realized that Merchandising wasn’t the role that I was meant to have a career in — mainly because product doesn’t talk back to you — neither do numbers.
I really wanted to engage with people in a way that could help an organization move forward.
Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life? “The wound is the place where the light enters you”
My young life came with a lot of wounds, which led to deep shame, and a need to grasp for control. When I moved to NY at age 19, I started to explore every self-help program and resource I could find. To me, if was life and death. I was using drugs and alcohol to numb, but I knew deep down that I wasn’t ready for death. That motivated me to get help. I learned that feeling shame, and hurting is part of the human experience. We all carry some level of pain, and when we can access non-judgmental intervention and/or communities that can normalize how we’re feeling, the heaviness does lift, and the light starts to shine again.
Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you think that will help people?
I am! I’m excited to be working on a workshop for a group of leaders in the Education space. The workshop aims to empower women to overcome body image insecurities by teaching them to embrace their figure through flattering clothing shapes, fabrics, and colors, fostering self-confidence and beauty. It addresses the common issue of body shame among women, inviting open dialogue and a supportive environment.
According to this study cited by the National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders, at least 30 million people in the U.S. of all ages and genders suffer from an eating disorder. Can you suggest 3–5 reasons why this has become such a critical issue recently?
- Social Media: With the use of filters, lighting props, and apps like Face tune, we are encouraging young women and men to have a very inauthentic and unrealistic expectation of beauty.
- Bullying: Based on these beauty standards that are shared on public platforms, when kids do not meet those standards, they are misunderstood, made fun of, and discarded. When other kids are witness to these actions, it exacerbates the desire to meet these unrealistic ideals, causing more young people to adapt and do whatever it takes to fit in.
- Reality TV: Since the development of shows like the Keeping up with the Kardashians, retailers, plastic surgeons, dermatologists, beauty brands, and influencers continue to send very loud messages about the ideal facial features and body type you need to be considered “beautiful.”
- Parenting: Children model their parents. This has become frighteningly clear to me as a mom. If we make a point of talking about our weight, wrinkles, and facial features in front of our children, they soak it up. The same is true is we make references to our children’s bodies with any word that they will internalize (cute belly, chunky thighs, skinny). We may think we are doing it as a joke, but it is going in and they are making assumptions about themselves starting at very young ages. We don’t know how those will get interpreted later on, especially during the fragile pre and teen years.
Based on your insight, what can concrete steps can a) individuals, b) corporations, c) communities and d) leaders do to address the core issues that are leading to this problem?
For individuals struggling with body image insecurity, talk to someone you trust and ask for help.
If you don’t have anyone, reach out to the National Eating Disorders Association.
Corporations (especially in the Fashion & Beauty Industries) have a responsibility to stop using terms like “brand fit” when hiring. This directly goes back to requiring a certain “image.” If people think they are not getting hired based on how they look, it perpetuates the need to fix your face or your body to get hired. This includes telling someone they look great because they lost weight or vocalizing anything that might trigger someone’s physical insecurities. Instead, we have a responsibility to celebrate good health. That includes, physical, mental, and spiritual health.
We need to offer programs that encourage positive health and well-being. If you’re offering well-being classes in your company, make sure your teachers represent many different physical shapes.
Many communities have been successful with offering free support groups for people dealing with a wide range of personal challenges. The key with community support is free. Eating disorders do not discriminate and they hit every community of people. It is vital that anyone who needs it is offered a safe space and free entry.
As representatives of corporations, leaders must remain neutral. Get guidance from HR about resources you can offer to employees if someone needs help. Do not get involved, share an opinion, try to resolve, coach, or provide therapy. They need help from an expert.
As you know, one of the challenges of an eating disorder is the harmful, and dismissive sentiment of “why can’t you just control yourself”. What do you think needs to be done to make it apparent that an eating disorder is an illness just like heart disease or schizophrenia?
We need to focus more time and resources on the symptoms of poor mental health. Eating disorders are a symptom of deep pain and shame. We owe it to each other to demonstrate more awareness as parents, leaders, family, and friends to notice when someone might be exhibiting poor health. (For ex. Not eating, going to the bathroom after eating, being extremely healthy in a controlled way, binge eating, over exercising, etc). These are all symptoms of an eating disorder.
Here is the main question of our interview. Can you please share with our readers 5 ways to support a loved one who is struggling with an eating disorder? If you can, can you share an example from your own experience?
1 . Open a non-judgmental conversation, sharing what you’re noticing. Talk less. Listen more.
2 . Genuinely validate their feelings. Ask how you can help.
3 . Help them get the help they need based on what they shared with you. Make sure the type of help addresses their struggle and/or what they expressed needing help with.
4 . Model body positivity at home and in public. Refrain from judging others or yourself in front of them.
5 . This is not about you. Refrain from sharing your own judgements and opinions. Do not take their responses personally. Always fight for them, be their advocate and biggest supporter.
How do you navigate the balance between offering support and respecting the autonomy of a loved one with an eating disorder?
Love them. It will look different at times. Follow their lead. Start with a conversation. Trust what they share. Ask how they would like to handle any challenges they’ve expressed. Respect their decision. If things get worse, get advice from a professional. Avoid pressure, judgement, hyper vigilance. After speaking with a professional, if a change in circumstance is needed (i.e. school, family), help them with the transition.
Is there a message you would like to tell someone who may be reading this, who is currently struggling with an eating disorder?
YOU ARE NEVER ALONE. I know you don’t feel seen right now.
I have been where you are, and it can feel like it’s going to last forever. It doesn’t have to. It’s ok to ask for help from someone you trust. If you don’t have anyone, call or visit the National Eating Disorders Organization for support and resources (resources available online).
In your experience, what are the most effective strategies for building resilience and a positive self-image in individuals recovering from an eating disorder?
Connect with the activities that you love, pursue your passion paths, find a therapist who specializes in CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy), join a support community with others who are struggling, educate yourself on eating disorders, their causes, and potential triggers to develop a better understanding of your condition and how to navigate recovery effectively, be patient with yourself — this is a journey. Do little things for yourself that make you happy while you’re seeking help. Be open to medication if you think it would help.
What are your favorite books, podcasts, or resources that have helped people with this struggle? Can you explain why you like them?
Book: Intuitive Eating by: Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch; I love that this book focuses on allowing us to trust our body to make food choices that feel good, instead of judging ourselves or being influenced by culture.
Podcast: Breaking up with Binge Eating. I love that this conversation is based on the triggers that cause the eating disorder and the steps to heal.
Melrose Heals. Led by two doctors who expose the hard truths about eating disorders and the importance of honest conversations.
You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the largest amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
My mission is to empower women to embrace and celebrate their bodies through improving mental well-being and helping them discover clothing that enhances their natural beauty.
How can our readers continue to follow your work online?
Yes!
Website: www.marthamagrina.com
Instagram: @authenticallyoucoaching
Thank you so much for these insights! This was so inspiring!
Martha Magrina of AuthenticallYOU On How To Support A Loved One Who Is Struggling With An Eating… was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.