Michael Sartain of Men of Action Mentoring On How To Navigate Our Complicated Modern World To Find Love
Have as many female friends as possible to understand them better. For women, consider having a male friend who’s skilled with women but not romantically involved, for perspective
In today’s fast-paced and interconnected world, finding and maintaining meaningful romantic relationships can be a daunting task. From navigating dating apps to managing expectations in a digital age, there are numerous challenges individuals face in their quest for love. Through this series, we would like to explore the complexities of modern dating and relationships, offering insights, advice, and strategies for navigating the often confusing landscape of love in the 21st century. In this series, we are talking to experts in psychology, relationship coaching, sociology, matchmaking, and individuals with personal experiences navigating the modern dating scene, to share their knowledge, perspectives, and stories. As part of this series, we had the pleasure of interviewing Michael Sartain.
Michael Sartain is a versatile professional with a diverse background. After earning a BBA in Management Information Systems from the University of Texas at Austin, he joined the U.S. Air Force as a KC-135 navigator, serving for seven years and achieving the rank of Captain. Transitioning to civilian life, he became an event host in Las Vegas, eventually moving into finance as a money manager and studying under Tom Sosnoff. Michael is also a well-rounded speaker and podcast host, and he founded the Men of Action program in 2019, focusing on social networking, leadership, entrepreneurship, mindset, and finance.
Thank you so much for your time! I know that you are a very busy person. Our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you tell us your “Origin Story”? Can you tell us the story of how you grew up?
I grew up in East Dallas, in a middle-class neighborhood, but attended a high school located in a challenging area of town. My school was attended by individuals involved in gangs and drugs, a stark contrast to the environment of the all-white Baptist church I frequented on Sundays. The diversity gap between these two worlds was striking to me, but I didn’t fully grasp its significance at the time.
High school wasn’t academically challenging due to the lack of dedicated teachers, and incidents like shootings were unfortunately common. Despite this environment, I managed to graduate in the top 10 of my class. However, transitioning to college was tough. I struggled with study habits formed in high school, but eventually found my footing and excelled academically.
After college, I faced a job market hit hard by the fallout of companies like MCI WorldCom and Enron. As a temporary gig, I worked as a DJ at a nightclub, a job I never intended to keep. But circumstances led me to stay for a few years, during which I witnessed significant events like 9/11.
Feeling the need for a change, I decided to join the military, specifically aiming for the Marine Corps. However, due to limited openings, I ended up in the Air Force as an instructor navigator for the KC-135. Surprisingly, in the latter part of my service, I transitioned into intelligence work, which aligned more closely with my initial aspirations.
My military experience shaped my understanding of leadership and accountability. I learned to distinguish between good and bad leadership through the high standards set by the military. These lessons influenced the ethos of my current company, emphasizing accountability and a commitment to excellence.
Can you tell us a bit about what you do professionally, and what brought you to this specific career path?
(performance Coach) Michael Sartain’s educational journey began at the University of Texas at Austin, where he earned a BBA in Management Information Systems from 1996 to 2000. However, graduating amidst the collapse of the DotCom Bubble presented unforeseen challenges in the job market. Finding himself at a crossroads, Michael embarked on an unexpected path as a DJ and later transitioned to a managerial role at a gentlemen’s club in Austin. This phase of his career imparted invaluable skills in communication, vocal presence, and people management under challenging circumstances.
In 2011, life took Michael to Las Vegas, where he delved into event hosting and eventually embraced a role as a self-help coach. Starting with small pageants and gradually moving on to organizing large-scale events, he honed his abilities in networking, trust-building, and cultivating an abundance mindset.
Reflecting on his collegiate years and subsequent experiences, Michael recognized the disparity between societal narratives about dating and the realities individuals face in modern relationships. Motivated by this realization, he dedicated over a decade to studying what truly attracts women to men, seeking to unravel the complexities of human connection without bias or prejudice.
In 2019, Michael founded the Men Of Action program, drawing upon his diverse experiences to create a comprehensive curriculum focused on social networking, leadership, entrepreneurship, mindset, and finance. This initiative embodies his commitment to empowering individuals to lead fulfilling and abundant lives, bridging the gap between conventional wisdom and practical insights gained from years of observation and study.
You are a successful leader. Which three character traits do you think were most instrumental to your success? Can you please share a story or example for each?
- Leadership would be one of the key character traits instrumental to my success.
- My aptitude for rapid learning. For example, my ability to listen to audiobooks and retain information. For instance, I often prepare extensively for interviews by consuming content related to the guest at an accelerated pace.
- Humility would be next, especially when encountering individuals who excel in areas where I may fall short. I possess the ability to attentively listen to their insights without reservation and readily implement their suggestions. This willingness to learn from others significantly contributes to my success.
- Lastly, my proficiency in public speaking has proven beneficial, particularly in coaching my clients and fostering empathy towards their challenges and experiences.
Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you think that will help people?
We’re currently focusing on addressing the heightened risk of suicide among young single men, who are four times more likely to take their own lives than the general population. However, the risk escalates significantly for men over 40 who have experienced divorce, with a ninefold increase in suicide rates. To address this issue, we are developing a specialized program tailored specifically for divorced men over 50. Recognizing the vulnerability of this demographic, our aim is to provide targeted support to help mitigate the risk of suicide among older men. We are implementing various initiatives, programs, and procedures to effectively tackle this pressing issue and offer assistance to those in need.
For the benefit of our readers, can you briefly tell our readers why you are an authority on the topic of dating and finding love?
Michael Sartain is known for his expertise in the realm of dating and relationships, having built a successful career as a dating coach, Founder of Men of Action, and public speaker. With years of experience in the field, he has developed insights into human behavior, attraction dynamics, and effective communication strategies. His practical advice and real-world experience have helped countless individuals navigate the complexities of modern dating and find meaningful connections.
Ok. Thank you for that. Let’s now shift to the main part of our discussion about ‘How To Navigate Our Complicated Modern World To Find Love’.
Based on your experience, what is a common root cause of the “inability to find love”?
One of them is not having self-esteem. When you have stronger boundaries, meaning you know what you’ll tolerate, you attract more attractive people. When you don’t have any boundaries and you’re totally pushed around. You actually want your girlfriend to have some agency. You don’t want to dominate her and have her be completely submissive. Having self-esteem to know your value and self-worth, I think that’s one of the main reasons why people have a hard time finding love.
Another reason is managing expectations. A lot of people are not finding love because they’ve allowed media images to portray what they think they deserve. This is often the woman who moves to Las Vegas to become a cocktail server while she’s married, and her husband stays in another city. While she’s there, she’s constantly dealing with men who are taller, better looking, richer than her husband. Over time, she becomes dissatisfied. Conversely, studies show that the more images men see, the more dissatisfied they become with their partners. So, we can’t find love because we become dissatisfied with meeting regular people. I’m a big victim of this. Obviously, I date attractive women and I moved to Las Vegas because I grew up reading Playboy. That was definitely an issue for me. However, I made money, stayed in shape, and started dating Playboy models. But most guys aren’t going to do that. They’re going to just find their wife dissatisfied while being addicted. Managing expectations and understanding your self-worth are key.
The last one, as far as finding love, people are going into relationships wanting a relationship, rather than wanting to be happy. I want to be happy, I want my girlfriend to be happy. If she decided that her happiness was not with me, I’d have to accept that because I’m more interested in her being happy than us being together.When you can choose happiness before love, you’ll find the right person. People’s infatuation with looks is another reason why people have a hard time finding love.
What are some common misconceptions or myths about finding love in the modern world, and how can they be debunked?
One big myth is the idea of a soulmate. People think there’s one special person out there waiting for them, but that’s not true. Consider children in Africa with disabilities or those who died young before modern times; where’s their soulmate? It’s random; there’s no predetermined soulmate for everyone.
Another misconception is that love comes without effort. Many believe that love will find them without any work, but that’s just movie nonsense. If you want love, you need to work for it. It’s about being in the right place, having the right mindset, and even maintaining physical fitness.
Then there’s the limited options myth. Some believe there’s only one special someone out there for them. But you might need to broaden your options and be open to meeting different people.
Lastly, there’s the misconception of seeking relationships instead of happiness. Rushing into a relationship because of societal pressures or age isn’t the way to find genuine love. It’s important to prioritize personal happiness over societal expectations of finding a partner by a certain age.
What advice do you have for individuals who feel overwhelmed or disillusioned by the challenges of modern dating, and how can they maintain hope and optimism in their search for love?
I would recommend focusing on leveling up in other areas of your life first, and you’ll find that dating becomes easier. As for feeling overwhelmed, I can’t recommend the gym enough. Exercise changes the way you feel about yourself, alters your hormone levels, and boosts self-confidence. It’s probably the number one thing I would suggest to overcome dating stress while improving yourself and becoming more attractive.
After that, I would suggest practicing present moment awareness and gratitude. Be thankful for the freedom you have today to meet anyone you want. Unlike in the past with arranged marriages, where you met your spouse on your wedding day, now you have the freedom to go out and meet people. Having gratitude for this freedom can help alleviate the stress of dating.
Let’s explore how the rise of social media and dating apps has impacted the way individuals approach and experience dating and relationships. Can you share a few dos and don’ts about how to use social media to find love?
So, when we look at how social media and dating apps have changed the dating game, there’s a lot to unpack. Having a solid social media presence is key, no doubt. It’s like your online resume, showing off your social proof. But when it comes to dating apps, it’s a whole different ball game.
Honestly, I usually advise guys to tread lightly there. Why? Well, think about it. For every guy on a dating app, there are like six women, right? And guess what? A lot of those women are just there for the attention, not really looking for anything serious. So, for guys, it’s tough to stand out.
On the other hand, women can use dating apps to show off their physical attractiveness, which works for them. But, let’s be real, guys need more than just a good photo to catch someone’s eye. That’s where social media comes in handy. You can convey so much more about yourself on social media, like your personality and your lifestyle. It’s more authentic, you know? So, if you’re serious about finding love, I’d say focus on building a solid social media presence rather than relying solely on dating apps.
Can you share a few dos and don’ts about how to use dating apps to find love?
Finding love on dating apps isn’t one-size-fits-all, as what works for some may not work for others. Surprisingly, one effective approach is to skip the bio entirely on your dating profile. Studies have shown that bios often don’t significantly impact results. Even a very attractive individual will likely attract matches regardless of their bio content. Instead, focus on keeping your messages and prompts concise and straightforward. Your profile should convey a sense of effortless authenticity rather than appearing meticulously crafted. However, it’s essential to include candid, flattering photos of yourself, showcasing various aspects of your personality
Can you share a few dos and don’ts about looking for romance in real-life physical spaces like congregations, bars, markets, and conventions?
For women, it’s actually not that complicated. I think for women, they are just more attractive. Men are more attracted to women than women are attracted to men in general, especially in a short-term context, like on dating apps. Men swipe right 55% of the time, while women swipe right only 5% of the time. So if you understand that concept, then as a woman, you have the ability to be more selective. But a couple of things you need to know is how to determine the difference between a short-term dating context and a long-term dating context. Meaning, are you dealing with a man who’s way outside of your league and now he’s telling you he wants you to be his girlfriend? Is this guy lying to you just for short-term sexual access? The way to figure that out is to look at his actions, not just his words. You need to completely ignore his words and focus solely on his actions. That’s the true reflection of his intentions. Sometimes, men take time to figure out whether or not they want a girl for the long term. I call them a keeper, a sweeper, or a sleeper. So for women, you need to pay attention to a man’s actions.
For men, the biggest mistake they make is showing intent to a woman when she hasn’t earned it yet. It’s okay to talk about a woman being interesting or finding something interesting about her, but giving her compliments based solely on her physical appearance when you’ve just met her is not a good strategy. Instead, have conversations with these women and once you find a point of commonality or interest, let them know they’ve earned your validation.
If you’re a guy who’s extremely physically attractive, go ahead and give compliments. But for the majority of us, showing interest in a woman when you first meet her is not a good strategy. Instead, let her earn your interest and validation. Treat her like you would want your daughter to be treated — with respect and the understanding that love and attention are earned, not freely given.
What are your thoughts about the challenges and opportunities that come with workplace romances?
You know, workplace romances can be a bit of a double-edged sword, in my opinion. On one hand, there’s this undeniable chemistry that can develop when you spend so much time with someone in a professional setting. It’s like, you share common goals, you’re working toward something together, and that can really create a strong bond. But on the other hand, mixing business with pleasure can get pretty messy, pretty fast. You’ve got to consider things like power dynamics, conflicts of interest, and the potential for things to go south if the relationship doesn’t work out. So, while there’s definitely potential for workplace romances to blossom into something beautiful, you’ve got to tread carefully and consider all the potential risks involved.
Can you discuss the role of vulnerability and authenticity in forming meaningful connections and finding lasting love?
You know, vulnerability and authenticity are absolutely crucial when it comes to forming meaningful connections and finding lasting love. I’ve seen it time and time again in my own experiences and through my work. When you’re willing to open up and show your true self to someone, it creates this deep sense of trust and intimacy that’s the foundation of any strong relationship. And let’s be real, nobody wants to be with someone who’s putting on a front or trying to be something they’re not. People are drawn to authenticity like moths to a flame. So, if you’re looking for love, don’t be afraid to let your guard down and show the world who you really are. It might feel scary at first, but trust me, it’s worth it in the end.
Based on your experience or research, what are the “Five Things You Need To Navigate Our Complicated Modern World To Find Love”? If you can, please share a story or an example for each.
1 . Optimize your social media presence
2 . Prioritize your physical health, including nutrition and fitness
3 . Educate yourself, especially in evolutionary psychology and understanding what attracts women
4 . Surround yourself with the type of women you’re interested in
5 . Have as many female friends as possible to understand them better. For women, consider having a male friend who’s skilled with women but not romantically involved, for perspective
Do you have any favorite books, podcasts, or resources related to this topic that you would recommend to our readers?
“Extreme Ownership” and “The Dichotomy of Leadership” by Jocko Willink and Leif Babin.
You are a person of great influence. If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
While this might be kind of a biased answer, I believe universities need to expand their department of evolutionary studies and genetics. While this suggestion may challenge some people’s perspectives and feelings, it offers valuable insights into understanding the complexities of the human condition.
How can our readers further follow your work online?
Certainly! You can stay connected with me and follow my work online through various platforms. I regularly share insights, tips, and updates on dating, relationships, personal development, and more. Here are some ways to connect with me:
Website: Visit my official website Men of Action to access articles, resources, and information about upcoming events and programs.
Social Media: Follow me on social media platforms such as Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook for daily updates, behind-the-scenes content, and engaging discussions.
Podcast: Tune in to my podcast, the Michael Sartain Show, where I host insightful conversations with guests from diverse backgrounds, covering topics ranging from dating and relationships to entrepreneurship and mindset.
YouTube: Subscribe to my YouTube channel for video content, interviews, and educational videos on personal growth and success.
By following me on these platforms, you can stay informed, inspired, and engaged with my work and join a community of like-minded individuals striving for personal and professional growth.
Thank you so much for sharing these important insights. We wish you continued success and good health!
Michael Sartain of Men of Action Mentoring On How To Navigate Our Complicated Modern World To Find… was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.