Milda M. De Voe Of Pen Parentis On Five Things You Need To Be A Highly Effective Leader During Uncertain & Turbulent Times
Take a pause — people rarely make good choices when they are in panic mode.
As a part of our series about the “Five Things You Need To Be A Highly Effective Leader During Turbulent Times”, we had the pleasure of interviewing Milda De Voe, or as she prefers to be called “M”.
Milda M. De Voe is the Founder and Executive Director of the national literary nonprofit Pen Parentis. Author of the fun guide to creative parent productivity, Book & Baby, which won first place in writing/publishing at the 2021 Indie Awards. Since 2009, to support the nonprofit’s mission to help writers stay on track after starting a family, she has interviewed more than 300 famous authors who are also parents and has won countless arts grants from major funders like The Poetry Foundation, the New York State Council on the Arts, and the National Endowment for the Arts. She earned her MFA at Columbia University where she was a Writing Fellow and continues to write award-winning fiction such as A Flash of Darkness, her debut short fiction collection, under the pen name M. M. De Voe. (mmdevoe.com)
Thank you so much for your time! I know that you are a very busy person. Our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you tell us a bit about your ‘backstory’ and how you got started?
Of course! I was a music major in college and ran away with a group of jugglers. Then I moved to New York City to be an actor and after ten years of performing, I decided to get my MFA in Creative Writing from Columbia. Upon graduation I discovered the arts industry held a prejudice against parents — everywhere I went my needs met with the response “well you shouldn’t have had kids,” which I found painful. My kids did not lessen my talent, only the opportunities that the industry was offering me. This felt like a problem for me to solve in the INDUSTRY not in my personal choices. There are HR supports for parents in large well-funded corporations, but who is standing up for the parents in the arts? No one. So I did. Pen Parentis was founded in 2009, right around when mommyblogging was distracting writers from their real work — I started the nonprofit to help parents in the arts feel seen — and specifically to help writers stay on creative track after they had kids.
It has been said that our mistakes can be our greatest teachers. Can you share a story about the funniest mistake you made when you were first starting? Can you tell us what lesson you learned from that?
Oh sure! I was such a novice when I started Pen Parentis. I attended a million seminars on how to start a nonprofit (I highly recommend this by the way — nonprofits are still a business and it makes sense to take all the webinars and classes you can find, your local BBB or SBA will host them, usually for free! As a nonprofit I also took advantage of The Foundation Center, now Candid, for their free training) My earliest mistake was to do everything on a verbal agreement. Once I showed up two weeks before an event we had planned at a Thompson Chain hotel in lower Manhattan where we had hosted monthly events for three years without a contract, and discovered that over the summer while we were on break, the Todd English restaurant that was our venue had been sold and the new GM knew nothing about us. We had been listed as a Critic’s Pick in Time Out NY as well as in the New Yorker and the New York Times — but showing these listings to the GM of the hotel did nothing, he shrugged and said he couldn’t help it, the restaurant was under construction. We ended up leaving that chain entirely and moving over to the Hyatt-owned Andaz chain instead! Lucky for me the publicity was in print so I could walk it over to the hotel and physically show it to the GM of the Andaz! (Good ending to this story: the Andaz Wall Street sponsored us for the next five years with space, food and beverage, and even hosted occasional events for us at no cost like Author Chef Table Dinners and chef-driven Food Writing Salons! )
None of us are able to achieve success without some help along the way. Is there a particular person who you are grateful towards who helped get you to where you are? Can you share a story?
I do not think I would be here without other people — there are too many to count! But an early influence was Deb Ott, a woman I first met through her work with the literary nonprofits of New York State. She created a very real community among the leadership of these nonprofits and through her guidance I have achieved so much! I fondly recall my first lunch with her when she said, “People like us, we just make things happen — with or without being paid. But honey, you HAVE to get yourself paid. Your talents are worth more than you know.”
Extensive research suggests that “purpose-driven businesses” are more successful in many areas. When your organization started, what was its vision, what was its purpose?
From the beginning, we have had the single mission “Helping writers to stay on creative track after they have kids.” It is so easy to stay on mission when you are the only nonprofit doing a particular kind of work. When we started in 2009, no one was paying any attention to the needs of parents at all! Even huge corporations were more apt to fire a pregnant woman than give her a lactation room so that she could continue to come into work. Initially, we just wanted to make parents who were successful writers feel “seen” — and we have achieved wonders in this field.
Thank you for all that. Let’s now turn to the main focus of our discussion. Can you share with our readers a story from your own experience about how you led your team during uncertain or difficult times?
Of course! There was a moment during Pandemic when we were overwhelmed entirely. Our board was tiny at the time and we had no paid employees at all — we were all just volunteers — at this time we all relied on our passion for the mission, knowing the work was important, knowing that we were helping people. We were all spread so thin when everyone on the planet suddenly got a taste of what it meant to carve out time to do real work at home — writers have long been assumed to have an easy time of it since we usually work from home — but Pandemic showed people who aren’t in the arts how hard it is to get work done when you have kids around!
Did you ever consider giving up? Where did you get the motivation to continue through your challenges? What sustains your drive?
When the team was all spread too thin and some people were overwhelmed and thinking of quitting, I did a survey of our customers, asking them to send us testimonials. The incredible outpouring of gratitude from the people that we have helped rejuvenated the office. We played them for ourselves when we felt strapped. Even now, the gratitude along the way from the people that we serve — the fact that when they publish their first poem or their first book, they often thank Pen Parentis in the acknowledgements, or mention us in interviews or at their book launches — this is what keeps me going. I want Pen Parentis to become a household name, a resource that writers immediately refer to if they get stuck because of family obligations — and one that people suggest to help out their friends who might be just starting a family or finding themselves pregnant for the first (or second!) time.
I’m an author and I believe that books have the power to change lives. Do you have a book in your life that impacted you and inspired you to be an effective leader? Can you share a story?
This really makes me smile — I am surrounded by books all the time! I have personally interviewed more than 400 authors about how they stayed on creative track to write their books, and have written my own guide to help other writers finish their books no matter the age of their kids. So what one book impacted me as a leader? I guess it has to be The Little Book of Gold: fundraising for small and very small nonprofits. It changed how I thought about money which made it easier for me to understand that it doesn’t diminish a leader to get paid for their work.
What would you say is the most critical role of a leader during challenging times?
In challenging times, as in all times, it is vital that your leader stay levelheaded. This doesn’t mean to ignore the challenges — in fact it is the opposite. A great leader is able to specifically identify the particular threat, brainstorm many possible solutions, and keep a steady enough mind in the face of possible or imminent crisis that they can continue to make good, informed choices — listening to others even while the others panic. This does not mean to brush their concerns aside. It means to actually take the time to address them, despite the possibly heightened emotions surrounding each challenging situation. Whether the challenge is internal or external, big or small, is so important to continue to listen — even while your team and your board might be in panic mode — sift through the noise and take your time to really find the facts, and then trust your judgment.
When the future seems so uncertain, what is the best way to boost morale? What can a leader do to inspire, motivate and engage their team?
I always go back to the people that you serve — for me it is my constituency of writers who are also parents. For you it might be your customer, your creators. Who are you leading? Take their temperature. Show your gratitude for their talents. Really SEE your people as people.
What is the best way to communicate difficult news to one’s team and customers?
In person, or as close to in person as possible.
How can a leader make plans when the future is so unpredictable?
The future has always been unpredictable. Have lots of ideas — choose the best one for the moment. Forecasts are just that — forecasts. This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t plan — it means you have to use your own judgment in addition to the forecasting tools available to you. And I’ll just throw a comment in here that AI inherently has NO judgment. It is using existing numbers or data, amassed and recycled in a new way and very quickly. It is a tool. It gives you only what you request. AI can’t produce new ideas and it can’t pivot like a human leader can.
Is there a “number one principle” that can help guide a company through the ups and downs of turbulent times?
Focus on your mission. If you are a nonprofit use the mission as a guide. If you are a company, establish and firmly cling to your corporate values externally and internally. Don’t stray from these things because of money. People will respect your company more and be loyal to you when other companies are being shunned.
Can you share 3 or 4 of the most common mistakes you have seen other businesses make during difficult times? What should one keep in mind to avoid that?
I think the most common mistake I have seen is to panic and react to challenges without thought. Perhaps the second-most-common is to panic in response to challenges that have not YET happened — to lose one’s levelheaded judgement over something that is still merely a threat.
Based on your experience and success, what are the five most important things a business leader should do to lead effectively during uncertain and turbulent times? Please share a story or an example for each.
- Get the facts — like I said earlier, listening to advisors (but also to the people on your team, and your best customers) is really important. Take the various things you hear and seek the truth and build on it.
- Take a pause — people rarely make good choices when they are in panic mode.
- Think bigger — one thing I have learned from reading fiction is that you can learn from other people’s stories. Look around and see if anyone else in any other industry has ever faced this problem. See if you can learn from them.
- Plan smart first/act easy later — Be absolutely ready if and when the actual storm hits, and make sure your team is on board and knows what to do in that instance — it is terrific to be prepared for something that never comes, and to be smart about how long things take.
- Trust in your product or service — in our case it is to trust in our mission. We know that no matter the storm, parents will need resources to help them stay on creative track. We will continue to provide those resources. This is the most important thing. Your own trust in what you produce will engender trust in your clients and customers.
Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?
My favorite? “Things Take Time.” I am a person who is always rushing to accomplish the next thing. It is so valuable to me to remember to celebrate the things already accomplished, and to slow it down to be able to plan for possible eventualities: of course to examine the risks, but also to dream of the possibility of great growth and to be ready for that as well! Whenever I notice my little “Things Take Time” note tacked over my desk, I always take a calming breath. It’s so nice. (of course then I jump right back into work!)
How can our readers further follow your work?
I have a fun weekly substack called “This is Ridiculous” at mmdevoe.substack.com and Medium readers can find me on mmdevoe.medium.com with different content (generally personal essays). I’m also on Linked In: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mmdevoe/
Thank you so much for sharing these important insights. We wish you continued success and good health!
Thanks for having me back! I always enjoy being interviewed by you!
Milda M De Voe Of Pen Parentis On Five Things You Need To Be A Highly Effective Leader During Uncer was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.