Nora Langknecht of FUN FACTORY: 5 Things We Can Each Do To Make Social Media And The Internet A Kinder And More Tolerant Place
Get vocal. The makeup of the most popular platforms (and the algorithms they use to operate) is not a given. They’re constantly being adjusted. Don’t use these apps passively — give feedback too and engage with them about the experience you want to have, and what you think could turn that into a reality.
As a part of our interview series about the things we can each do to make social media and the internet a kinder and more tolerant place, I had the pleasure to interview Nora Langknecht.
Eleanore (Nora) Langknecht is an EDSE certified sex educator and Brand & Digital Marketing Manager for the pioneering sex toy brand FUN FACTORY. She worked as a Social Media Manager for many years and has written her thesis on the intersection of sex education, social justice, and social media. Additionally, Nora has more than 12 years of experience in sex education, and worked as a reproductive counselor and doula before starting in marketing. Nora is enthusiastic about the ways in which sex toys and expansive education can enhance our sexual lives. She started with FUN FACTORY in 2016, and has since earned her Master’s in Gender, Race, Sexuality and Social Justice from UBC.
Thank you so much for doing this with us! Our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you share your “backstory” with us?
I’ve been interested in sex education since high school and formally started working in the field 10 years ago. My work has been all over the map, from working as a reproductive health counselor to teaching in churches, schools and bars, to managing FUN FACTORY’s digital marketing and social media. I’m always learning new things and looking for the beautiful little moments of connection and fun in the work that I do. I’ve lived all over, but am now based back in my hometown of Los Angeles.
Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you started your career?
I’ve had so many nice experiences, from running “sex-ed for grown ups’’ bar events to attending the porn awards. However, one of my favorite memories was when I got to visit the FUN FACTORY manufacturing facility in Bremen, Germany in 2022 to see how the sausage is made, literally! It was amazing to check out the production line and watch toys go from raw electrical innards to gorgeous, hand-finished vibrators. I love sex toys, and I am such a geek about them. It was a total treat to get to see it all up close.
It has been said that our mistakes can be our greatest teachers. Can you share a story about the funniest mistake you made when you were first starting? Can you tell us what lesson you learned from that?
We were working on developing a branded towel (can we call it what it was, a cumrag?) to send as gifts, and had a bold design that centered the word “WOW.” Well, in our last meeting before the towel went to print, a colleague ducked their head into the room to take a look and said, “mom”? We hadn’t even considered that WOW upside down is MOM! Thankfully we were able to stop them from going to print.
The lesson here is simple — don’t forget to look at things from all angles before you boldly put them out into the world.
Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you think that will help people?
We have some amazing products in the pipeline, but my lips are sealed. We’re about to celebrate one year of our wand, VIM, which has been such a joy to share with everyone. Vibrating wands are iconic for a reason — they’re body-neutral, super powerful, and ours was totally redesigned to be more accessible. Getting toys like this into the world is always exciting to me, and getting to hear back from people who love them is, too!
Ok, thank you for that. Let’s now jump to the main focus of our interview. Have you ever been publicly shamed or embarrassed on social media? Can you share with our readers what that experience felt like?
While I haven’t dealt with public shaming on a personal level, as someone who ran branded social accounts, I’ve definitely dealt with instances of complicated and prickly engagement with followers and other social users. I think the biggest feeling that comes up is feeling a sense of urgency and alarm, and trying to figure out what the right response is (if responding is the right move at all).
Obviously, on a brand level, this looks different. Ideally you have a team collaborating on the next steps, but the truth is that behind every brand account is a real person, and so the impact on negative online encounters still has a personal impact.
What did you do to shake off that negative feeling?
It’s amazing what taking time away from social media can do, if you’re able to. After a few years of working directly in social media, I ended up delegating that work to someone else, and it has made a huge improvement in my stress levels.
Things flare up so quickly online and can be so charged, and it can be much harder to take a bigger picture view. In-person exchanges or even slower media (like email marketing) don’t have that same characteristic. When things get rattled up online, I first try to allow myself to go through the normal, human feelings it brings up. Take a moment to get back in your body and even step away from the conversation to get outdoors for a while.
Then, I take the time needed to prepare a measured, compassionate reply. If it’s a situation in which there is harassment, taking steps toward blocking the commenter/poster and removing offensive comments may be in order.
Have you ever posted a comment on social media that you regretted because you felt it was too harsh or mean?
Not quite, but once I used my mom’s account to comment on an article with racist undertones. I didn’t want to show her name, so I changed the username to “bythewaythatsracist” without realizing it was a permanent change that applied across the site… so, if you ever see that username commenting on a quiche recipe, that’s my mom. Sorry, mom.
When one reads the comments on Youtube or Instagram, or the trending topics on Twitter, a great percentage of them are critical, harsh, and hurtful. The people writing the comments may feel like they are simply tapping buttons on a keyboard, but to the one on the receiving end of the comment, it is very different. This may be intuitive, but I feel that it will be instructive to spell it out. Can you help illustrate to our readers what the recipient of a public online critique might be feeling?
We’re social animals, and avoiding social ostracism is a strong drive for all of us. It can bring up a fight-or-flight instinct and any of the normal sensations associated with anxiety. Social encounters that take place online are still social, and our nervous system doesn’t necessarily distinguish the two. For me when it happens, I almost always feel a tightening and nearly a fizzing sensation in my chest, and my thoughts might start to move quickly or feel more erratic.
It’s also disorienting because it often seems that it’s done in such a cavalier or self-righteous way without considering the human on the other side of the screen. So sometimes it can feel like the other person just drops the comment and walks away, which can be overwhelming.
Do you think a verbal online attack feels worse or less than a verbal argument in “real life”? How are the two different?
I think that, generally, an attack is worse than an argument. My sense is that with real-life arguments, we have the ability to move through the normal steps of getting upset, feeling it in our bodies, and processing it. Also, people are generally a little less casually harsh in real life. With digital attacks, I think that sometimes our bodies can’t fully process the encounter, so it might be harder to get those residual feelings out of your system. Not to mention that you can revisit and critique every word said in the encounter, whereas in a real-life argument, you can’t. It just lends a stickiness to those online fights.
What long term effects can happen to someone who was shamed online?
Social isolation and loneliness are on the rise and have serious implications for health and wellness. You don’t have to look hard to find examples of people whose lives were changed by online shaming or harassment. It is normal to feel more isolated or paranoid afterward. This could impact your friendships, relationships, work life, and general mental health. It’s a serious issue and one that we don’t have great answers for.
Many people who troll others online, or who leave harsh comments, can likely be kind and sweet people in “real life”. These people would likely never publicly shout at someone in a room filled with 100 people. Yet, on social media, when you embarrass someone, you are doing it in front of thousands or even millions of people, and it is out there forever. Can you give 3 or 4 reasons why social media tends to bring out the worst in people; why people are meaner online than they are in person?
Comments and posts that are critical or use strong language often get more visibility, so people might get a rush of satisfaction from posting something that gets a lot of likes or visibility.
The algorithms also prioritize content that’s negative or brings up strong emotions, so people are constantly getting a drip stream of content that makes them feel angrier, appropriately or not.
It’s become more of a norm to act in that way online and for everyone to have a hot take or a strong opinion about something. You may not be held accountable for the language you use in a comment on someone else’s channel. So frankly, there’s less of a social barrier to those sorts of comments.
Moreover, you can’t see the person on the other side. When commenting or engaging online you’re unlikely to be thinking about the direct human/social impact of your words. You might write something more candidly in the same way you would in a journal or a private chat, without thinking about the audience and the exposure.
If you had the power to influence thousands of people about how to best comment and interact online, what would you suggest to them? What are your “5 things we should each do to help make social media and the internet a kinder and more tolerant place”? Can you give a story or an example for each?
Spread joy. Sometimes it can feel tacky to share things that are just pretty or happy, but it makes for a much better social space. Not everything has to be a flex or a callout. I’ve got proud grandma vibes, like posting a 30-second video of a bee in a lavender bush, or sending my friends a feel-good video of a cat rescue. Social media can be an important tool for activism and news, but it’s important to also share the joy that we experience.
Be curious. In sex-ed, there’s the concept of not yucking someone’s yum. Bring that attitude to social media! If someone has a different personal style or hobby than you, it doesn’t mean it’s wrong or bad. If you feel like engaging with it, get curious about it. If it’s just not for you, that’s fine, too! You don’t need to have or express an opinion on everything. Say nothing and move on.
Be kind. This is a pretty simple one, but it’s still a good one. You have a choice of how to engage, so choose kindness. Everyone has snarky or critical thoughts, but that doesn’t mean you need to share them as a default.
Get real. It might sound like it’s not about the internet, but it is! In a time when we’re increasingly isolated, take the time to see your friends in person. Longer, real-time hangs lead to connection, compassion, and friendship that online relationships just can’t match. And those connections translate to a happier, healthier online community.
Get vocal. The makeup of the most popular platforms (and the algorithms they use to operate) is not a given. They’re constantly being adjusted. Don’t use these apps passively — give feedback too and engage with them about the experience you want to have, and what you think could turn that into a reality.
Freedom of speech prohibits censorship in the public square. Do you think that applies to social media? Do American citizens have a right to say whatever they want within the confines of a social media platform owned by a private enterprise?
I think our country’s approach to free speech is foundational and important, but it has also been used as a defense by companies that are not willing to make hard decisions about content in a period where increasingly dangerous and violent speech has been on the rise. Each person should make their own evaluation of what they want from a social media space and give feedback to the apps they use.
If you had full control over Facebook or Twitter, which specific changes would you make to limit harmful or hurtful attacks?
Unplug their servers 🙂 Just kidding!
Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?
What comes to mind is Kurt Vonnegut’s “Hello Babies” passage, which closes with “There’s only one rule that I know of, babies–’God damn it, you’ve got to be kind.’”
I’ve found myself coming back to this quote over the years when I need to be reoriented. When things get hard, what’s the kind choice?
We are blessed that some of the biggest names in Business, VC funding, Sports, and Entertainment read this column. Is there a person in the world, or in the US with whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch with, and why? He or she might just see this if we tag them 🙂
Ooh, that’s a great question! I’d love to have lunch with Jon Stewart. He seems smart, curious, and compassionate, and I’ve always so valued his takes.
How can our readers follow you on social media?
I keep my social media to close friends and family these days, but you can follow FUN FACTORY at https://www.instagram.com/funfactoryusa/
Thank you so much for these insights! This was so inspiring!
Nora Langknecht of FUN FACTORY: 5 Things We Can Each Do To Make Social Media And The Internet A… was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.