“You’re going to have to take responsibility for EVERYTHING in your life” NOT an easy one by any means. I either take responsibility for whatever action or behavior I am responsible for, and/or, and this is even tougher, I take responsibility for how I react and how I move forward and past whatever the infraction happened to be, even if it had nothing to do with my behavior. It is 100% up to me how I interact with the world and its inhabitants, no matter how I might feel at any given time. And it is my responsibility to move forward from anything that’s been done to me. That to me is responsibility.
As part of my series about “authors who are making an important social impact”, I had the pleasure of interviewing Daryl Dittmer.
After a humble and often tumultuous beginning to his life, Daryl Dittmer has relentlessly worked on himself for decades. After having had ownership in several business ventures, Daryl now dedicates his time to sharing his story, and the lessons learned, in order to give back. Daryl and his wife, Kristina, spend their time exercising, reading, writing, learning, hiking, fooding, traveling, hanging out with their dogs, appreciating their mountain views, and each other’s company.
Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series! Before we dive into the main focus of our interview, our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you tell us a bit about your childhood backstory?
I’d like to thank you as well! Yes, I’d be happy to share a bit of my childhood story.
I was raised in the Midwest, and at that time, it seemed as though everyone’s dad worked at either GM, Ford, or Chrysler. My dad was a mechanic for GM, a tough minded, hard-working guy. My mom took care of us kids, a gargantuan task in itself! Both my parents were about manners, discipline, respect, “yes, sir” “yes, ma’am.” If we veered off the path prescribed, it didn’t go well for us. It was a time when discipline was a bit more than a “time out.”
We were raised with the Protestant Work Ethic and were expected to do much for ourselves. I was put to work on a steer and hog farm at 14 for $1.50 per hour and that’s where my personal work ethic began. Around the same time, I discovered drinking and eventually drugs. I followed that unforgiving path, which progressed quite rapidly, through many troubles, until I ended up in a drug and alcohol treatment center not long after my 19th birthday.
When you were younger, was there a book that you read that inspired you to take action or changed your life? Can you share a story about that?
Yes! A wonderful mentor of mine, after my treatment program, gave me a book by Emmet Fox called The Ten Commandments, which allowed me, for the first time, to delve into heretofore unexplored territory. This “unexplored territory” was opening my eyes to something other than the prescribed belief system with which I was raised. For all I knew, I was allowed to be Christian, Lutheran, believe everything they told me, or I’d be in danger of going to a terrible place they called “Hell.” I hadn’t devoured any book previously; in the way I devoured this one. This book got me started on the incredibly expansive and wonderful path that I remain on today.
It has been said that our mistakes can be our greatest teachers. Can you share a story about the funniest mistake you made when you were first starting? Can you tell us what lesson you learned from that?
Probably could be characterized as one of those funny, not-funny stories. Nobody was hurt, so it ended up being funny.
By no means did I turn into a saint after I started on a path of self-improvement. I didn’t. I still needed to learn a lot of lessons, and I certainly was still a bit of a goofball and troublemaker. Devil’s Night, the night before Halloween where, at least in the Midwest, is a night for pranks and sometimes, vandalism. I was a freshman in college. A friend of mine and I thought the roof of our three-story dorm would be a great place to launch eggs at unsuspecting vehicles. We also had some firecrackers and bottle rockets, which we didn’t launch at vehicles or humans. Thank God we had acquired at least a modicum of maturity.
“How do we get up on the roof?” I wondered.
Well, there was a ledge outside the third-story windows where we could help boost each other up and onto the roof. Not the safest way to do it but the only way we found. Our youthful lack of fear and unfortunate lack of intelligence kept us just dumb enough to get up there with our cache of armaments. We launched our firecrackers and bottle rockets toward the large lawn outside the dorm while trying to remain hidden from onlooking students on the ground who were obviously wondering who was responsible for the commotion.
When it came to the eggs, we threw those at mostly parked cars along the residential street on the other side of the lawn. A few direct hits and many misses. We only started with a couple dozen eggs so each launch was cutting into our precious ordnance. We only had a few eggs left, and as I grabbed a couple, I noticed a car traveling slowly along that residential street.
“A moving target!” I thought as I lined up the impending shot in my mind. I reared back and launched an egg at the unsuspecting target. Overshot it! One last opportunity as it moved almost out of range. Bullseye! The egg splattered on the windshield.
As I was congratulating myself, my accomplice mentioned that the car was stopping and backing up toward the front door of the dorm. We got a little panicky, collected what was left of our Devils’ Night ammo and made our way down to the third floor outside ledge. Some friends let us in their room through the window, where we took our jackets off and sat down, fearing we might just get busted for our shenanigans.
“I can’t get busted,” I thought. “What would my professors say? What would my coaches say? I’m already on academic probation due to my high school ineptitude. Would I get booted from the basketball team?”
For someone who really feared and hated getting caught, I did a lot of dumb sh*t that I didn’t want to get caught doing. We heard adults talking in the hallway, walking past the door of the room, and it sure didn’t sound too promising for us. Luckily, they passed by and, after a bit of time, we headed down to our first-floor rooms. Some friends caught up with us and let us know that the cops had been there and the car I hit with the egg just happened to belong to the mayor of the city. That got our attention. All that needed to happen was for someone to let them know that it was us. The way news traveled in and through the student population, I thought it was just a matter of time.
The next day started like any other except for the fact that, later in the morning, I was called to the Dean of Student Affairs office. Well, this wasn’t good news. I was confronted with my transgression and copped to the charges. I didn’t try to bullsh*t my way out of it but was hoping the consequences wouldn’t be too harsh. They told me that Coach would be notified and that I could lose my spot on the team and be suspended from school for a while.
They let me return to my regular schedule that day and told me they’d be informing me of my punishment within a day or two. A couple of days later I was called into the dean’s office and was told that my punishment was going to be 20 hours of community service, meted out and monitored by the school. This was the absolute best news I could have hoped for, and I was very happy to pay that price for my offense. I deserved it for sure, and it started to change my mind and gave me reason to pause and think before engaging in ill-advised activities. The coaches called me an idiot and highly recommended that I set a better example and make better decisions. I told them I was on board.
Can you describe how you aim to make a significant social impact with your book?
Yes, I can. My belief envisions each of us improving ourselves in as many ways as we possibly can, so the version of ourselves that we’re “bringing to the table” of our lives, whether it be family, friends, job, and even to strangers, is one that adds value to the lives of others. What might happen if we all thought about what we’re bringing into the world and what we’re contributing to the world, instead of what we can take from it? Imagine, if we all did this, what a wonderful impact we’d have on society?
My book was characterized in a review as, “A working (persons) guide to life,” and I believe that it can absolutely help change people’s lives, so that those people can, in turn, help to change others’ lives. I wrote it for that very purpose.
Can you share with us the most interesting story that you shared in your book?
Early on in my recovery one weekend afternoon, I was spending some time just hanging out at a place that was specifically for recovering people, called The Alano Club. Before any of the late afternoon meetings got started, a call came in via a pay phone on the wall, and a friend of mine, Rachel, answered it. As there was no real leadership or structure to the Alano Club, at least that any of us were aware of, there was no one to ask for assistance or help. There were no offices on-site or people there who were “in charge.” It was just a respite for people looking to hang out with other sober people and get away from their everyday world.
Unfortunately, this was one of those times when the place was nearly deserted, so no one to address any potential issues from someone who may be calling for help. Sometimes the people who were there weren’t really in a position to help themselves, much less anyone else. This was one of those times. I’d almost never heard that phone ring, and when it did, it was usually someone asking for a ride to a meeting or at least something a lot more innocuous than what we were about to encounter. This one was different. There was apparently a woman in a small neighboring town who was drunk, had a gun, and was threatening to shoot herself if someone didn’t come to her place and take her to an AA Meeting.
“What should we do?” Rachel asked me.
I was in no position to make a decision of such gravity and potential magnitude, but I did anyway.
“I guess we gotta head over there and see if we can get her back here before the 5:30 meeting.”
Neither of us understood what we were doing and as I look back now, we had no business doing it. I was 20 at the time, and the woman who answered the phone was 19 or 20. Normally how things were addressed at that time was, if it was a woman in need of some sort of help, a woman would respond; if a man was in need, a man would respond. This situation called for a different approach based on the circumstance, at least that’s what we came up with at the time.
We should have called the police. I don’t remember why we didn’t, but we didn’t, which could have been a big mistake. That decision could have been very costly. We headed out on the 20-minute journey to a small local town and arrived at the woman’s house with no idea what to expect.
Rachel and I knocked on the door and a woman answered, noticeably distraught. I didn’t see a gun, so I felt a bit better going into her home.
We asked her, “Do you want to head back to the Alano Club with us? You could get to a meeting and be around some folks who know exactly what you’re going through.”
Many sober people could help her to ease the burden she was carrying. That was the purpose of sober people helping others, after all. She motioned for us to have a seat while she got ready, and she went into the bedroom. I couldn’t see her but heard her start to become angry and agitated. She started yelling and emerged from the bedroom with a gun. I was sitting on the couch at that moment, and as her gaze centered on me, she raised the gun and pointed it at me. She was about five feet away, so I knew she wasn’t going to miss.
I told her, “We’re only here to help you.”
Rachel chimed in, “We just want to see you better, help you not feel alone. We both know the pain you’re going through. We get it.”
It seemed like a long time that the gun was pointed at me, but after a couple of moments she lowered the gun and returned to the bedroom. Rachel went with her. When they emerged again, the gun wasn’t in her hand. Rachel pointed to the bedroom when the woman was in the kitchen and silently but emphatically mouthed the word, “dresser.” I knew she wanted me to retrieve the gun. Rachel went into the kitchen and distracted the woman for a moment, and I snuck into the bedroom, found the gun in the top dresser drawer, and put it in my pocket. I returned to the main room, and soon after Rachel and the woman came out of the kitchen. I nodded at Rachel, and we exited the house and got to my car. We drove back to the Alano Club and got the woman to a meeting and around some people who could relate to her and potentially help her discover a less tumultuous life.
What was the “aha moment” or series of events that made you decide to bring your message to the greater world? Can you share a story about that?
Almost 20 years ago, as I related one of the semi-notorious stories of my youth to my soon to be wife, she looked at me and chuckled, “I don’t see it! That’s not the guy standing in front of me right now!” I said, “You’re right! Remind me to write a book someday.”
Well, she did. A few times. I wrote about 3 paragraphs over the next 18 or so years.
Then in January 2023, I had my “aha moment.” I knew I had something to give others that would help them with their lives and right then, I decided to get serious about giving back what had been so graciously given to me. I became acutely aware that I was in the latter part of my 50’s, and that I couldn’t waste any more time NOT writing my book(s).
I wrote WHEN I STOP FIGHTING in about 3 months. I wrote another book, not yet released, over the following two to three months.
Without sharing specific names, can you tell us a story about a particular individual who was impacted or helped by your cause?
I was so happy to be informed by my wife that a person she knows who had read my book had decided to deal with some of the “food choice and weight loss issues” she’d been wrestling with for a long time. She told my wife that my book empowered her to start and that my story of getting continually knocked down and getting back up, allowed her to feel as though she could do the same thing. Felt really good.
Are there three things the community/society/politicians can do to help you address the root of the problem you are trying to solve?
As I believe self-improvement begins at our roots as individuals and families, most of the onus would fall on a community approach, with the support of society. Can we support our friends, families, and neighbors in being the best they can be for themselves, hence others? Can we place the responsibility on parents for raising children that are more interested in becoming contributing members of society than how many likes they get on SM? How do we incentivize those who have turned their lives around to share their stories of failure and success with a wider audience. All of these in the hope that they can help people choose a path that doesn’t include destructive choices.
How do you define “Leadership”? Can you explain what you mean or give an example?
Leadership to me is defined by commanding respect. Not to be confused with “demanding” respect. Commanding respect means setting the example to follow; owning responsibility for outcomes; being a worker among workers. Every excellent leader I’ve ever known is great at these things and has the ability and desire to relate to all under their charge, as a human being, not just an authority figure.
What are your “5 things I wish someone told me when I first started” and why? Please share a story or example for each.
- “It’s not easy to have a conscience that is in proper working order” In the midst of struggling with addiction and dysfunction, it’s easy to resort to behaviors that can be destructive for us and others. In recovery, we learn that we can no longer get away with those behaviors, because now we know better. Not always the easiest path.
- “Self-improvement is a LOT of work” But it IS! After doing it for decades and knowing that I’ll never be done, nor cross the finish line, I’ve learned to embrace the work. The rewards are truly endless and many times, overwhelming … in a great way.
- “You’re going to have to do a lot of things you don’t want to do” It’s easy to get caught up in trying to just do the things we “want” to do. Many times, there is no positive consequence for living in this way, as I found out. There is great value in doing what we know we need to do for the benefit of our growth, or to benefit others. The tough part is, these things might not be always the easiest things to do. After a while, we stop caring about the difficulty level and start to care more about our impact on ourselves and others.
- “You won’t be able to make excuses or cast blame when you fail” This can be a tough one because it’s easy to want to excuse ourselves or point the finger at others or circumstances. When we begin to learn that these ways of dodging responsibility are not part of the contented and fulfilled lives that most of us seek, we learn we must give them up and look at ourselves and our culpability.
- “You’re going to have to take responsibility for EVERYTHING in your life” NOT an easy one by any means. I either take responsibility for whatever action or behavior I am responsible for, and/or, and this is even tougher, I take responsibility for how I react and how I move forward and past whatever the infraction happened to be, even if it had nothing to do with my behavior. It is 100% up to me how I interact with the world and its inhabitants, no matter how I might feel at any given time. And it is my responsibility to move forward from anything that’s been done to me. That to me is responsibility.
Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?
I was raised to always give extra effort; try, try, try; “no pain, no gain”; you’re not really hurt unless there’s a bone sticking out, etc. Hence, I wrestled, I struggled, I fought, thinking this was the way to get what I wanted from life. This became exhausting very quickly and as my life unraveled, I didn’t know any other way to approach or conduct my life. When I embarked on a journey of change, I was helped by a mentor who became one of the most impactful people in my life. One day, as he saw me struggling with something, probably the same thing for the 10th time, he said to me, “Daryl, when you stop fighting, the fighting stops.” Changed my life from that day forward and is the reason for the title of my book(s).
Is there a person in the world, or in the US with whom you would like to have a private breakfast or lunch with, and why? He or she might just see this, especially if we tag them. 🙂
I’d like to have breakfast or lunch with Dr. Deepak Chopra. He was and continues to be a teacher for me. His work was very instrumental in opening my eyes to the vastness of life and the vastness of what is inside of each of us. His books, his recordings, his meditations, etc., served to help start me on a path long ago. As I’ve relistened or reread Dr. Chopra’s work over the subsequent years, it’s helped further me along, but it’s also helped me look back fondly from whence I came.
How can our readers further follow your work online?
The best way to find me online is my website https://www.daryldittmer.com. Links to my books, socials, blog, podcast, etc. all reside there. You will also find ways to contact me, should you want to do that.
This was very meaningful, thank you so much. We wish you only continued success on your great work!
Thank you so much! I really enjoyed this!
Social Impact Authors: How & Why Author Daryl Dittmer Is Helping To Change Our World was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.