I wish someone would have told me how hard family law is. You really have to have a thick skin because you’re dealing with generally good people (although not always good people!) at a very difficult time and not on their best behavior. You not only take on the role of attorney but also a life coach in a sense because you help them hopefully transition and have better behavior or a better time in their lives.
As part of my series about “individuals and organizations making an important social impact”, I had the pleasure of interviewing Stacy D. Phillips.
Stacy D. Phillips is one of the country’s most respected family lawyers, handling primarily high-net-worth and high-profile divorce cases. As an author, philanthropist, mentor, and sought-after speaker on family law and other issues, she has been selected by the Los Angeles Business Journal as one of LA’s “500 Most Influential People” for eight consecutive years.
What sets Stacy apart is the breadth and depth of her leadership, involvement, giving, and commitment to her clients, her firm and colleagues, young professionals, the legal industry, and the Greater Los Angeles community. Stacy is also a particularly admirable mentor on a number of levels. She has made social impact a core part of her nearly 40 years of professional experience as a family law expert.
Celebrating 25 Years of Social Impact with Adopt A Center. Since she founded it in 1999, Stacy has served as the Advisory Board Chair for the Adopt A Center (AAC) initiative, annually recognizing and supporting a different local non-profit organization that benefits under-served and at-risk children and families in Los Angeles. At last year’s AAC event, the firm created a mentoring and career day for MOSTe, an LA-based community mentoring, scholarship, and college-access organization for young women.
Stacy is also the founder of Blank Rome’s annual Women’s Leadership Summit, which is now in its eighth year and designed to accelerate leadership skills and network development for female firm attorneys and clients.
Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series! Can you tell us a story about what brought you to this specific career path?
I come from a family of lawyers and was quite familiar with what I believed was a highly noble profession. Even though I did not see many women attorneys in the field, I saw two very
powerful women partners in my Dad’s law firm — they were great role models and inspired me. They also set a very high bar! But it was not until I was in Law School that I was compelled to pursue Family law. Quite literally, I was drawn to the idea of having a client with a heartbeat and knowing that I could absolutely make a difference in the lives of people and possibly their families. Helping people in their times of need, which are often very difficult times, has genuinely kept me in the field and invigorated me. I also work at a firm where pro bono work is highly regarded and valued, which adds significantly to the number of lives I can touch. I believe that those who do well must also do good.
Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you began leading your company or organization?
First, let me be clear: I do not lead the Blank Rome LLP law firm, but I am a partner. For 26 years before joining Blank Rome, I ran my own firm, so I have seen law practices and firm operations from both sides–each has its challenges. I can tell you countless stories about how I, as a woman, was treated differently than my male colleagues. And even today, as successful as I am in my job and career, I know that in many instances, I am treated differently than I would be if I were a man. The thing is, I think being a woman makes a difference in what I do in my profession and specifically in how I mentor. I mentor in different ways, whether my mentee is local or across the country in another office location. A key point for me–and what I was always taught–is to be yourself and not try to conform to a standard that is not you. I also believe we must be compassionate, empathetic, and good listeners, which often comes more easily for women. How people communicate and listen to men is different from how they communicate and listen to women. For this reason, I try to lead by example, to show women that it’s possible to stand in rooms dominated by men and not only succeed in life and our careers but to use our unique abilities to mentor, support young people, encourage them to do the same, and a big part of it is giving back to the community.
It has been said that our mistakes can be our greatest teachers. Can you share a story about the funniest mistake you made when you first started? Can you tell us what lesson you learned from that?
I have followed the adage: Good judgment comes from experience, most of it bad. Said differently: We learn from our mistakes. My best example is not in my career but in a test I took in the seventh grade. It was of the Greek and Roman Gods. I got one answer wrong, and to this day, that one is really the only mythological God I remember… all because I got that answer wrong. My mistake started my interactions with many of my partners and was the foundation of our relationships.
When I first joined Blank Rome, there was an email that went out to all partners. I mistakenly hit reply-all with a simple but legitimate question; it clearly was not intended for all 300+ partners. As a testament to the firm’s partners and their character, dozens of people responded to me with supportive answers, and not one person mocked my lack of business etiquette. Again, I then sent out an apology to all, but this time, telling them about the kind responses and that I was convinced that if this was how my peers responded to mistakes, I knew I was in the right place.
I believe that if you go through a bad time or you make a mistake and you don’t learn from it, then it’s just a mistake or a bad time. But, if you learn from it, then it is something positive. And I use that in my career all the time. And one of the things we strive to do is never make the same mistake twice.
Can you describe how you or your organization is making a significant social impact?
In law, I believe we make a social impact in the work we do, from representing clients in certain areas, including in our pro bono work. At Blank Rome, we have set a goal for our attorneys and paralegals to each complete 75 hours of pro bono work, requiring at least 25 hours of service. In 2022, for example, my colleagues totaled more than 31,000 hours of pro bono services that touched many lives and communities. In addition to being important work, our pro bono services send a great message to our clients.
But I am most proud of an idea I had more than 25 years ago. My idea was to create the Adopt A Center program to help community non-profits needing more than just monetary support. Based in Los Angeles, our AAC program annually adopts a different not-for-profit organization — one that is non-proselytizing and takes care of children and families. This year is the 25th anniversary of the program, and I’m proud to have made a tremendous social impact with each of those nonprofits. This past year, we adopted a young women’s mentoring organization called MOSTe, and we hosted a day-long career symposium with presentations and speakers representing a myriad of career options. We served the group lunch courtesy of our client, In-N-Out Burger, and it was all very well received by the young women, their mentors, our staff, and the clients who participated.
Additionally, many of the partners and associates in my law firm, Blank Rome, sit on nonprofit boards. For example, I sit on the Public Counsel board, the largest nonprofit public interest law firm in the country dedicated to advancing civil rights and racial and economic justice and amplifying the power of our clients through comprehensive legal advocacy. I am the current Vice Chair and the incoming Chair, starting in October of this year.
Public Counsel was founded on and strengthened by a pro bono legal service model; its staff and volunteers seek justice by providing direct legal services, promoting healthy and resilient communities through education and outreach, and supporting community-led efforts to transform unjust systems through litigation and policy advocacy in and beyond Los Angeles and throughout the U.S., as well as what they call opportunity law, tackling cases to help eliminate economic and other injustices in the areas of K-12 public and higher education, voting rights, poverty law and homelessness, racial, gender, class and sexual orientation discrimination, health care, immigrants’ rights, veteran’s rights, foster care and more. I can think of few better examples of social impact.
Can you tell us a story about a particular individual who was impacted or helped by your cause?
I literally get stopped on the street or at an event all the time where somebody will come up to me and say: You won’t remember me, but I met you 15 years ago. I came to consult with you. You changed my life. This is what you said to me. It made a huge difference. In many cases, these people did not even become clients, so I don’t necessarily remember them. In fact, this just happened to me in December. I was walking with somebody else, and I got stopped on the street. Thank God somebody was with me; otherwise, I might have thought it was all in my head.
Are there three things the community/society/politicians can do to help you address the root of the problem you are trying to solve?
First, we need more women focused on solving problems across the board–from the community level to the highest levels of government. When men are the only decision-makers in the room, issues affecting women get overlooked. Sadly, we see this playing out now at the highest levels in our country.
Second, society as a whole needs to truly listen, check its biases at the door, and stay educated on topics that are not within their familiarity or expertise. The need to listen includes working with an open mind and heart.
Third, our problems go beyond needing more involved women; we need more diversity in leadership and decision-making roles across the board. It’s a simple truth that the more diversity and representation, the better the decision-making will be for the community, the organization, the country, and indeed, the world.
How do you define “Leadership”? Can you explain what you mean or give an example?
One of the best examples of leadership was in one of my favorite TV shows, The Bold Type. There is a character based on a real-life person, and I felt she led so elegantly. On the show, she is more than a mentor; instead, she leads by getting the younger people to come to an understanding, choose their own path, and make their own decisions. In our busy lives, it is so much easier to say, do this, do this, do this. But you know the story about the fishermen: Give a person a fish, and they will eat for a day. Teach a person how to fish, and they will eat for life. In The Bold Type, Melora Hardin’s character really leads by example, with thoughtful probing and guidance. The example is very inspiring and profound.
What are your “5 things I wish someone told me when I first started,” and why?
1. I wish someone would have told me how hard family law is. You really have to have a thick skin because you’re dealing with generally good people (although not always good people!) at a very difficult time and not on their best behavior. You not only take on the role of attorney but also a life coach in a sense because you help them hopefully transition and have better behavior or a better time in their lives.
2. I also wish someone had prepared me for how hard it is to be a woman in this profession, especially during the time that I came through. There were very few role models at the time, so there were few women leaders whom I could admire. Of course, there were some, but not many that fit my style. So, I had to find my own way, which is why I’m so focused on mentoring others today.
3. Now, no one could have predicted how the pandemic would affect people in the divorce process, but I wish I were better prepared for those challenges. So much was out of control in people’s day-to-day lives, which complicated their divorces. It made people very angry and disrespectful and led to combative cases that should have been settled in the first go-round; six mediations later, ten mediations later, they still were not resolved any more than before.
4. How all-encompassing being a family law attorney is. You really have to take care of the body, the soul, the mind, the psychology, the emotions, the pocketbook, and more for your clients. One of the great things about being a family law attorney is meeting interesting people with interesting problems. You may think that the rich and famous have extraordinary lives, but they pull on their pants the same way the rest of us do, and they have the same types of problems. Interestingly, a number of my clients have developed into some of my closest friends, and I introduced one of my clients to his wife!
5 . Lastly, while no one really told me how important it is to lead and mentor the next generation, mentorship is something I have felt passionate about from the beginning and certainly something I would tell someone who is just starting out. It is why, professionally, I came up with the idea to hold our firm’s annual Women’s Leadership Summit, an event specially designed to mentor a new generation of women attorneys, both within the firm and among our clients. Mentorship is also a huge part of my personal connection and affection for Adopt A Center because it supports the lives and futures of children and, in turn, many of their families.
You are a person of enormous influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most good to the most people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
I would call my movement The Dignity Movement. Live with dignity. Live with respect, not only for yourself but also for your partner, your spouse, your colleagues at work, your children, and your community. Far too frequently, people do not conduct themselves in respectful and dignified ways, which can be frustrating. I tend to expect more from people, and I am delighted when they rise to their own best level of being.
Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?
I love these types of sayings, and I will share three that I live by:
“If you do well, you have to do good.”
“No potted plants allowed.”
“Be true to yourself.”
First, if you do well in life, I believe it is incumbent that you must also do good. If you succeed financially, that’s not enough. You have to, in my mind, give to others, whether it’s your money, your time, or a combination of both for those who are less fortunate.
Second, in almost any situation, please sit up, speak up, and ensure you are heard. There should be no potted plants around a boardroom table or even a family dining room table. God gave us brains to use and voices to be heard, so lean into situations when appropriate and speak your mind, your truth. I tell this one regularly to the lawyers and experts with whom I work.
Third, for the grace of God, be true to yourself. This saying came to me when I was a summer associate at a law firm in California. At the end of the summer, the partner who was assigned to me, who was the first woman partner there, said to me: You look young. For people to take you seriously, you should dress in a more dowdy way and, by all means, put your hair up. I told my dad, who was a partner in a law firm in New York City, about this, and he said absolutely not. Ultimately, he taught me to be myself and true to myself. He encouraged me to be a breath of fresh air, to be feminine. He said, You are a woman, and you should show up as who you are and let it shine. And that really impacted me. Thank you. Dad!
Is there a person in the world or the US with whom you would like to have a private breakfast or lunch, and why? He or she might just see this, especially if we tag them. 🙂
That’s easy. I know I am not alone here, but I am a huge fan of Michelle Obama. I mean, she’s a lawyer. She takes her fashion seriously. She takes being a mother seriously. She takes her politics seriously. That’s pretty much me. And although we likely wouldn’t challenge each other, we would have so much to discuss.
How can our readers further follow your work online?
Follow me on LinkedIn at StacyDPhillips linkedin.com/in/stacydphillips
I’m also on Instagram @StacyDPhillipsEsq https://www.instagram.com/stacydphillipsesq/
My Blank Rome LLP website link: https://www.blankrome.com/people/stacy-d-phillips
And at my book “Divorce: It’s All About Control. How to Win the Emotional, Psychological and Legal Wars” website: https://www.controlyourdivorce.com/
This was very meaningful; thank you so much. We wish you only continued success in your great work!
Social Impact Heroes: Why & How Stacy D. Phillips of Blank Rome Is Helping To Change Our World was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.